Frequently asked questions

BeNice is an app for separated parents who share the care of their children. The custody schedule, the children’s expenses, their details and your messages to each other all live in one place, for both of you, with help to keep those messages calm and to the point.

What’s in the app:

• a chat with the other parent, where the Feedback Coach reads your message before it goes out and a filter takes the blame out of messages you receive
• the BeNice Coach, a personal coach only you can see
• a shared calendar with your custody schedule, school holidays and swap requests
• Expenses, to track the children’s costs and settle up
• the Photo Diary and Shared Info, for photos, contacts, documents and the children’s details
• an assistant that helps you draft a parenting plan

If the other parent isn’t on board (yet), you can still start: with BeNice Solo you reach the other parent by email. BeNice runs on iPhone, iPad and Android, in English, Dutch and French.

BeNice is built for two parents who no longer live together, and it helps most at exactly the moments where WhatsApp and an ordinary calendar fall short.

• Messages without the edge. The Feedback Coach reads your message before you send it and suggests the same point without the blame. You decide. If a sharp message does come in, you read a neutral version.
• One schedule for both of you. The custody schedule is in the calendar for both of you, in two colours. A one-off swap goes through a swap request the other parent accepts, and the calendar updates itself.
• Costs without the maths. Expenses keeps track of who paid what and works out, using your split, who owes whom.
• Everything about the children at hand. School, doctor, allergies, clothing sizes and documents are in Shared Info.
• One subscription for both of you. The other parent doesn’t pay separately.

There are no read receipts: neither of you can see whether or when the other has read a message.

Yes. Many parents use BeNice mainly to stay organised: the calendar with the custody schedule, school holidays added in one go, Expenses and the children’s details.

If you get along well, you can loosen up the chat. Under Message checking, choose Room for more together: the Feedback Coach then stays out of the way of a warm word or a bit of small talk. That setting only starts once you both agree, and either of you can switch it back at any time.

Yes. Parallel parenting is for separations where talking to each other keeps turning into conflict. Each parent runs their own time with the children, and contact between you stays to a minimum: in writing, brief and only about the children. That’s exactly what BeNice is built for.

• Contact in writing, in one place: every message goes past the Feedback Coach, which keeps it short, factual and about the children. With the filter on, a sharp message reaches you as a neutral version.
• Arrangements without discussion: the custody schedule is in the calendar, a swap goes through a swap request, and costs go in Expenses. Little is left to talk about in the chat.
• Information without asking: school, doctor and allergies are in Shared Info, so neither of you has to ask.
• At your own moment: quiet hours hold notifications during the hours you choose, and CheckPoint keeps track of the questions that are still open.
• Even if the other parent isn’t on the app: with BeNice Solo, your messages reach them by email.

Is a mediator or other professional supporting you? They can keep the chat on Focused on the children. If their organisation manages your family circle, they can also switch off parts that don’t fit, for example the chat itself when you shouldn’t be in direct contact for a while. The calendar keeps working.

BeNice is an app for arranging the everyday things around your children together. It doesn’t replace help or advice from a professional.

• No legal advice. Neither the app nor the BeNice Coach gives legal, medical or psychological advice. For an official arrangement you need a mediator, lawyer or notary.
• Not a case file. You can export the chat, but BeNice is built for making arrangements together, not for gathering evidence. What a court or lawyer can do with an export is up to them.
• Not an emergency service. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 112 (or your local emergency number).
• Not a payment app. Expenses works out who owes what, but you transfer the money yourself.
• Not an app for children. Only parents have an account, plus, if you like, a professional who supports you.

A family circle is your shared space in BeNice: the two parents, the children and, if you want, a professional such as a mediator. The chat, the calendar, Expenses, the photos and the shared information all belong to one family circle.

• A family circle always has two parents. If the other parent hasn’t joined yet, their name is already in it, so you can simply get started.
• If you have children with two different parents, you create two family circles. Everything stays separate per family.
• The standard subscription gives you one active family circle; the two-circle subscription gives you two.

No. BeNice is an app for parents. Children don’t have an account and don’t use the app.

You enter the children’s names and details yourself, so the calendar, Expenses and the photos can be followed per child.

BeNice is available in English, Dutch and French. Each parent picks their own language, so you can each use the app in a different one.

Under Profile, Settings there are two separate language settings:

• Display language: the language of the app’s menus, buttons and text. You can also let it follow your phone’s language.
• Coach language: the language the BeNice Coach talks to you in.

BeNice is made by BeNice.family B.V., a Dutch company based in Monster, in the Netherlands. The team is in the Netherlands.

You can reach us through the contact form or by email at support@benice.family.

You can download BeNice from the App Store for iPhone and iPad, and from Google Play for Android. Both buttons are on the download page.

• iPhone and iPad: iOS 16.6 or later.
• Android: Android 7.0 or later.

There is no web version for parents: BeNice is an app for your phone. Professionals, such as mediators, work in a separate web portal.

You create an account in the app, with Google, with Apple, or with your email address and a password. The app then asks a few short questions to set up your family circle.

1. Download BeNice and choose how you want to sign in.
2. Accept the terms and the privacy policy.
3. If you sign up with an email address, confirm it using the link in the email you receive.
4. Enter your name and the other parent’s name. You don’t need the other parent’s email address.
5. Add the children.
6. Set up the custody schedule, or do it later.

Then you choose whether to invite the other parent or start on your own. Your 7-day free trial runs from the moment you create your account.

No. You start with 7 days free, without payment details and without buying anything in the App Store or Google Play.

Nothing is charged automatically when the trial ends. Only when you choose a subscription yourself will the App Store or Google Play ask for your payment details.

Yes. Sign in with the same account on each device and you’ll see the same messages, calendar and details everywhere. BeNice works on iPhone, iPad and Android.

Your settings are stored with your account, so they come with you to a new phone. Two things are set per device: the appearance (light or dark) and the app lock.

BeNice costs €9.99 a month or €99 a year for one family circle. That’s one subscription for both of you: the other parent pays nothing extra. The yearly plan works out at €8.25 a month. If you split the cost, you each pay about €5 a month, or just over €4 with the yearly plan.

• You start with 7 days free, plus 7 more for both of you as soon as the other parent joins. No payment details needed.
• If you have children in two families, there’s a subscription for two family circles: €197.99 a year.
• Prices can differ slightly from one country to another. You’ll see the exact price for your country in the app before you buy anything. It comes straight from the App Store or Google Play.

BeNice is free for 7 days, plus 7 more for both of you as soon as the other parent joins.

• The trial starts when you create your account, and you get access to everything.
• You don’t enter any payment details. Nothing is charged when the trial ends: you decide whether to subscribe.
• The 7 extra days are given once per family circle, when the other parent joins. Parents who already have a paid subscription don’t get them.

No. BeNice is free for 7 days, plus 7 more for both of you as soon as the other parent joins. After that, you need a subscription to add anything new.

If you don’t subscribe, everything you entered stays where it is and you can keep viewing it. You don’t lose anything.

With a subscription, you can both use everything in BeNice, with no add-ons or extras. The subscription covers the whole family circle.

That includes:

• the chat with the Feedback Coach and the filter
• the BeNice Coach
• BeNice Solo, to reach the other parent by email
• the calendar, custody schedule, school holidays and swap requests
• Expenses, including reading receipts from a photo
• the Photo Diary and Shared Info
• the Parenting Plan Assistant

No. One subscription covers the whole family circle, so both of you. The parent who subscribes automatically gives the other parent full access.

For the yearly plan, the app also shows what it comes to per parent per month.

The parent the family circle belongs to, usually the one who created it, takes out the subscription. The other parent doesn’t need to do anything and has the same access.

• If the subscription lapses, the other parent can reactivate the family circle with their own subscription. The family circle then belongs to that parent.
• If you both subscribe, only the subscription of the parent the family circle belongs to counts for that circle. Cancel one in the App Store or Google Play so you don’t pay twice.

Your family circle becomes read-only: everything stays and you can both still view it, but nothing new can be added. You don’t lose any messages, appointments, expenses or photos.

• Neither of you can add new messages, calendar items, requests or expenses.
• The BeNice Coach, BeNice Solo, the Parenting Plan Assistant and receipt reading stop.
• If you subscribe later, you carry on where you left off.

You cancel through the App Store or Google Play, at any time. In the app, the Manage Subscription button takes you straight there.

• iPhone or iPad: Settings, your name, Subscriptions, BeNice.
• Android: Google Play, Subscriptions, BeNice.

A subscription renews automatically unless you cancel at least 24 hours before the end of the period. After cancelling, you keep access until the end of the period you’ve already paid for. You change your payment details in the same place.

Note: deleting your account does not cancel your subscription. You always do that separately in the store.

Payments go through Apple or Google, so you request a refund from them. BeNice can’t refund payments made through the App Store or Google Play itself.

• Apple: at reportaproblem.apple.com.
• Google Play: through your order history in Google Play.

Yes, at any time. You can also move from one to two family circles whenever you like, through Subscription in the app.

The other way round, from yearly to monthly or from two circles to one, is only possible once the period you’ve already paid for has ended. The app shows what’s possible for each plan.

Yes. You create two family circles, one per family, and take out the subscription for two family circles. Chat, calendar, Expenses and photos stay separate per family.

The standard subscription has one active family circle. To use a second one, switch to the two-circle subscription or switch the other circle off first. A circle you switch off is kept. You can’t have more than two active family circles at once.

Sign in with your BeNice account: your subscription is linked to your account and is there right away. If you don’t see it, tap Restore Purchases on the subscription screen.

Use the same Apple ID or Google account you bought the subscription with.

Codes from BeNice come as a link. Open that link on the phone where BeNice is installed; the app handles the code and gives you the free period that comes with it.

If the link doesn’t work, email us at support@benice.family and include the code.

You invite the other parent from your family circle, by email or with an invite code. If you choose email, BeNice sends the invitation for you. If you choose just the code, you share it yourself, for example via WhatsApp, text message or in person.

• The code has eight characters (XXXX-XXXX) and is valid for 30 days. If you send the invitation again, the 30 days start over.
• The other parent installs BeNice, creates an account and joins your family circle with the code or through the email.
• On Android, Google Play carries the code through the installation. Tap the link, then open the app, and you land in the right family circle.
• BeNice is free for 7 days, plus 7 more for both of you as soon as the other parent joins. Those extra days are given once per family circle, and not to parents who already have a paid subscription.

The other parent uses BeNice to arrange things around the children and is asking you to join. You get the same app with the same rules, and you don’t pay separately: the family circle’s subscription covers you too.

• The Feedback Coach reads along for both of you, with the same rules, and nobody can switch it off. Each of you decides for yourself whether to filter the messages you receive.
• There are no read receipts, for either of you.
• Conversations with the BeNice Coach are private. The other parent doesn’t see them.
• You’ll see the custody schedule, the calendar and the children straight away. If the other parent has already entered expenses, you get an overview and can dispute any expense you don’t recognise.
• You decide what the other parent is called in your app. Only you see that name.

If you received an email through BeNice Solo and would rather not use an app, you can simply keep replying by email.

Yes. You can start on your own, and with BeNice Solo you can still reach the other parent: your messages go to the other parent as ordinary email, and the reply comes back into the app. The other parent doesn’t need to install anything or create an account.

The rest of the app works on your own too:

• Calendar and custody schedule: changes take effect right away, and you can record a swap yourself with Solo Accept.
• Expenses: keep track of costs as your own record, including what the other parent paid.
• Shared Info and Photo Diary: get everything about the children down in one place.
• BeNice Coach: prepare for a difficult conversation, even if you have it over WhatsApp or email.

If the other parent joins later after all, you both get 7 more days free.

You write in the app as in any chat, and BeNice sends your message to the other parent as an email. When the other parent replies to that email, the reply appears in the same conversation in BeNice.

• Your chat list has a separate conversation per family circle: Message by email. There you enter the other parent’s email address and your own name as it will appear in the email. Use your real name, not a nickname.
• Each conversation gets its own BeNice sender address (ending in @mail.benice.family). The other parent sees "Your name (via BeNice)" as the sender. Your own email address stays hidden.
• Your messages go past the Feedback Coach first, just like in the regular chat. You can also send photos.
• Replies come by email, so they can take a while. An email can also end up in the other parent’s spam folder.
• BeNice Solo works during the free trial and with a subscription.

The other parent receives an ordinary email with your message, from "Your name (via BeNice)". They don’t need anything: no app and no account.

• The first message comes with a short introduction: what BeNice is, that it isn’t advertising, how their data is handled and how they can stop the emails.
• Each message has a short footer with the same information.
• The other parent replies simply by answering the email.
• BeNice’s short accompanying text is in Dutch if you use the app in Dutch, and in English otherwise. Your own message goes out as you wrote it.

If a reply is harsh or full of blame, you read a neutral summary in the app. That filter is on by default and can be switched off per conversation. You can always open the original reply with See original message.

Yes. The other parent replies "stop" and gets a confirmation. You’ll see in the app that the other parent has chosen to stop the emails.

That’s the other parent’s choice, not a fault. If the other parent emails again later, the conversation picks up again.

From then on you talk in the family circle’s regular chat, with everything else the app offers. You both get 7 more days free, once per family circle.

• If the other parent got in touch through BeNice Solo, they create an account with the same email address your messages went to and request access from the app. You approve it. The request stays open for 14 days.
• The email conversation stays in the app for you to read back, but it isn’t moved into the new chat.
• The other parent gets an overview of the expenses you’d already entered, and can mark them all as read or dispute an individual expense.

No. BeNice doesn’t show read receipts, on either side. Neither of you can see whether or when the other has read a message.

• In the chat, you can see that your message has been sent.
• With BeNice Solo you see three states: Sending, Sent and Couldn’t be delivered. "Sent" means the email has left, not that it’s in their inbox or has been read. Email simply doesn’t provide that information.

The other parent sees what you share: the chat, the calendar with the custody schedule, swap requests, Expenses, the Photo Diary and the shared information you share with them.

The other parent doesn’t see:

• your conversations with the BeNice Coach
• the suggestions the Feedback Coach gave you before you sent a message
• whether your message filter is on or off
• whether or when you’ve read a message
• your answers in the Parenting Plan Assistant
• appointments from your own phone calendar that you show in BeNice
• items in Shared Info you don’t share with them

No. A family circle has two parents. New partners, grandparents, babysitters and children don’t get their own account.

You can, however, link a professional to the family circle, such as a mediator or family support worker who’s helping you.

No. A family circle belongs to both of you, so neither of you can remove the other, and there’s no button to leave.

• The parent the family circle belongs to can deactivate it temporarily. Everyone then loses access for the time being.
• If you really want out, you can delete your account. What you shared in the family circle is kept for the other parent.

The Chats tab has one conversation with the other parent per family circle. You write as in any chat, but every message goes past the Feedback Coach before it’s sent.

• You can send photos and respond to a specific message with Reply.
• Use Search messages in Chat Details to find an old message.
• Notifications are set per conversation.
• A sent message stays: it can’t be edited or deleted.

What helps most: keep it brief, factual, friendly and clear, and stick to the children and practical matters. BeNice helps you with that at the moment it counts.

• Before you send: the Feedback Coach spots blame, sarcasm or pressure in your message and suggests the same point without the edge. You choose.
• When you receive: if the other parent sends a sharp message anyway, you read a neutral version with just the content.
• Arrangements without arguments: ask for a swap with a swap request, and put an expense in Expenses. That saves a lot of back-and-forth in the chat.
• Let off steam first: tell the BeNice Coach what’s bothering you and prepare a calm reply together.

You’ll find more tips in our article Communicating with your ex: how do you keep it kind?.

The Feedback Coach reads every message to the other parent before it goes out. An ordinary message goes straight through. If it contains blame, sarcasm or pressure, the Feedback Coach holds it for a moment and suggests the same point in a calmer way.

You’ll see a short explanation and a suggestion, and you choose:

• edit your message
• send the suggestion
• Send anyway, as you wrote it
• Talk to your coach, to discuss it with the BeNice Coach first

Some messages never go through: threats, intimidation, pure insults with no content, and romantic or sexual advances to the other parent. Photos are checked too; explicit, violent or hateful images don’t reach the other parent.

The Feedback Coach uses AI and applies to both of you, with the same rules.

Yes. The Feedback Coach uses BIFF as its standard: Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. The method comes from Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute, who developed it for replying to tense or hostile messages, for example after a separation.

A message that meets BIFF is:

• Brief: short and to the point.
• Informative: it shares or asks for facts about the children and the arrangements.
• Friendly: neutral to friendly in tone.
• Firm: clear, without blame, insults, sarcasm, threats, guilt-tripping or dragging up the past.

If your message falls short of that but makes a real point, the Feedback Coach suggests a BIFF version. It keeps every fact, request and concern, and leaves out only the attack. You decide what you send.

If you’ve chosen Room for more together, the same respect applies, but a message no longer has to be short or only about the children.

Usually, yes: tap Send anyway. The Feedback Coach makes a suggestion, but the choice is yours.

The only messages you can’t send are the ones the Feedback Coach blocks, such as threats or pure insults. Those show as Message Blocked.

If you send a message anyway, the other parent may read a neutral version of it, if they have the filter on.

Usually because the Feedback Coach stopped it, or because the chat is taking a short pause. These are the possible reasons:

• Message Blocked: the message contains a threat, intimidation, a pure insult with no content, or a romantic or sexual advance.
• A pause: if you send several tense messages in a short time, the app suggests taking a breath. If many tense messages go out in a row without a reply, or a very large number of messages in a short time, the chat with the other parent pauses for a while, at most two hours, or less if the other parent replies sooner. The BeNice Coach stays available the whole time.
• Worries about yourself: if you write that you want to hurt yourself, that message isn’t sent to the other parent and the app shows you where to get help.
• The check didn’t work just now: the message isn’t sent. Try again in a moment.
• Your email address isn’t confirmed yet, or the family circle’s trial or subscription has ended.
• No internet: check your Wi-Fi or mobile connection.

No. The Feedback Coach applies to both of you, always, with the same rules. Nobody can switch it off: not you, and not the other parent.

What you can choose together is how strict it is, under Message checking in Chat Details: Focused on the children or Room for more. And you can always set a Feedback Coach suggestion aside with Send anyway, except for messages that are blocked.

Yes. Under Message checking in Chat Details there are two styles:

• Focused on the children: the standard. Messages stay short, factual and friendly, and the Feedback Coach steps in readily.
• Room for more: for parents who get along well. The Feedback Coach won’t interrupt you for a warm word or a bit of small talk.

If you choose Room for more, the other parent receives it as a suggestion, and it only starts once they agree. Either of you can go back to Focused on the children at once, without asking.

If a professional is supporting you, they can set the chat to Focused on the children for the time being. When the other parent has just joined, the chat also always starts on Focused on the children.

The filter turns a sharp message into a neutral version, so you only read the content. It applies to messages the other parent sent anyway after the Feedback Coach had suggested a calmer version.

• The neutral version uses the name you gave the other parent, for example: "Mark is asking whether the children can come an hour later on Friday."
• A small filter icon next to the message shows it was adjusted.
• Ordinary messages arrive unchanged. Blocked messages never reach you at all.
• The filter is on by default, for each conversation separately.

You can also keep your own list of Censored words in Chat Details. Those words appear as asterisks in messages you receive, only on your own phone.

Yes, if you want to. Press and hold the filtered message and choose See unfiltered message. You’ll see exactly what the other parent wrote.

For a reply through BeNice Solo, the option is called See original message. What you read is up to you.

Yes. You switch the filter on or off per conversation in Chat Details, under AI message filter. It only affects what you receive; the other parent won’t notice anything.

• The app doesn’t show the other parent whether your filter is on or off, and you can’t see theirs either.
• If your filter is off and a message arrives that could have been filtered, the app asks at most once a week whether you’d like to turn it back on. You can switch that reminder off too.

CheckPoint keeps track of the questions in your chat, so none of them get lost among other messages. BeNice recognises questions in messages and puts them on a list.

• The button at the top of the chat shows which questions are still open, which have been answered, or all of them.
• A question is ticked off automatically when the parent it was asked of responds to it with Reply (swipe the message aside or press and hold it).
• You can also mark a message as a question yourself, or mark a question as answered, for example when you’ve already sorted it out on the phone.

You can send photos in the chat. Other files, such as a PDF, don’t go through the chat.

• Put documents in Shared Info, so you can both find them.
• To discuss an expense, use Discuss in chat in Expenses. The expense then appears as a card in your conversation.
• Photos are checked just like messages: explicit, violent or hateful images don’t reach the other parent.
• Show images as soon as they arrive in Chat Details lets you choose whether photos appear straight away.

No. Once a message is sent, it stays as it is, for both of you. If you want to correct something, send a new message.

If you’re unsure about a message, the Feedback Coach helps you before you send it, and you can talk it through with the BeNice Coach first.

Yes. Choose Export chat in Chat Details. You get the conversation as a text file that you can save or share. You don’t need the other parent’s permission.

Expenses can be exported as a PDF, and you can print the calendar through Print calendar in the menu.

BeNice is built for making arrangements together, not as a legal file. Whether an export counts as evidence anywhere is for a lawyer or court to decide, not BeNice.

Let us know from the message itself: press and hold it and choose Report Response. You can also do this from a Feedback Coach suggestion.

When you send a report, a member of our team in the Netherlands may look at that one message, together with the last few messages before it. Your name and account details aren’t shared. We use reports to improve the Feedback Coach and the filter.

The BeNice Coach is a personal coach in the app, just for you. You can get off your chest what’s bothering you, prepare for a difficult conversation or write a calm reply together. The coach uses AI.

• You’ll find the coach at the top of your chat list, and through the coach icon next to the message field. There you can choose, for example, to improve what you’ve typed, get help with a reply, or understand why a conversation feels tense.
• Press and hold a message from the other parent and choose Discuss with coach to look at it together.
• To help you better, the coach can see the upcoming appointments in your calendar, who has the children today, and your latest messages with the other parent.
• You can have several conversations side by side, and talk in any of the app’s languages through Coach language.

The BeNice Coach is part of the subscription and also works during the free trial.

No. Your conversations with the BeNice Coach are yours alone. The other parent doesn’t see them, and can’t see whether you use the coach.

The same goes for what the coach remembers about your situation: it’s stored with your account and only you can see it.

Yes. Paste or describe the message in a conversation with the BeNice Coach and prepare a reply together. You can then send that reply wherever you like, including outside BeNice.

So the coach is useful even if the other parent isn’t on BeNice (yet).

Yes, where that helps you. The coach remembers a number of facts about your situation, such as how old the children are, so you don’t have to explain everything again each time.

You can see what the coach remembers under Coach memories. There you can add something, change it, or have the coach forget it.

No. The BeNice Coach doesn’t give legal, medical or psychological advice and isn’t a mediator or therapist. For those kinds of questions, the coach refers you to a professional.

The coach helps you with what’s happening now: sorting out your thoughts, understanding why a conversation is rubbing, and writing a message that comes across the way you mean it.

BeNice shows you where you can get help right away. With the app in English, that’s Find a Helpline (findahelpline.com), which lists helplines in your country, and the 988 Lifeline for the United States. In the Netherlands you can call 113 or 0800-0113 for free, in Belgium 1813 (Dutch) or 0800 32 123 (French), and in France 3114.

• This applies to both the BeNice Coach and the chat.
• A chat message in which you write that you want to hurt yourself isn’t sent to the other parent.
• BeNice is not an emergency service. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 112 or your local emergency number.

You pick a custody schedule that matches your arrangement and adjust it until it’s right. BeNice asks you this when you start, but you can also do it later from the calendar.

You start from one of these schedules:

• alternating weeks
• 2-2-3
• 5-2
• 2-2-5-5
• every other weekend
• a custom schedule, if none of these fits

Then you set where the children sleep, which days have a handover and at what time. Each day takes the colour of the parent the children are with, and a handover day is split between two colours. If the children don’t all follow the same rhythm, each child can have their own schedule.

Both of you, but a change to the care days only takes effect once the other parent accepts it. Changing just the handover times works straight away; everything you’d already agreed stays in place.

If you use BeNice on your own, changes take effect right away. Note: if you redraw the care days, swaps agreed from that date onward are cleared.

Yes, with Part-of-day care. It’s a fixed part of a day when the children are with the other parent than the one they sleep with, for example every other Wednesday afternoon. It belongs to the custody schedule and repeats by itself.

• For each part of the day, you record who drops the children off and who picks them up.
• To change it once, you send a request: skip it this time, or different hours this time.
• A part-of-day slot never falls on a handover day and never runs past midnight.

In the calendar, tap the plus button or a day and fill in the appointment. Both parents see it in the shared calendar.

For an appointment you can set:

• a title, all day or a start and end time
• whether and how often it repeats
• which children it’s for and which parent is responsible
• a location and a description
• reminders

You can view the calendar by month, week, three days or day, or as a list of what’s coming up.

Not the ones from your own phone calendar. You can show them in BeNice, but they stay on your phone and the other parent never sees them. You choose which of your phone’s calendars to show in BeNice.

Appointments you create in BeNice itself belong to the shared calendar. With Visible only to participants, the app only shows an appointment to the people you add to it. That’s an app setting, not a safe: keep anything truly confidential in your own phone calendar.

Yes, in one go. You choose your region and the school holidays appear in the calendar, along with the public holidays.

• The Netherlands: north, central and south regions.
• Belgium: Flanders, and Wallonia-Brussels.
• France: zones A, B and C, and Corsica.

The region applies to the whole family circle, so you both see the same dates. BeNice only adds holidays that are still to come, up to a few school years ahead as far as they’re known. For each holiday you can record who has the children, for example alternating each year, and that choice is ready for you the next time.

School holidays for other countries aren’t available in BeNice yet.

With special dates. A special date is a day or period you want to arrange separately, such as a birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas or a holiday. It can come back every year, and you can record which parent the children are with then, or that you alternate each year.

• Red means the date isn’t arranged for both of you yet. Green means it’s arranged.
• You can keep the current schedule (Keep current schedule), say it’s fine for you (OK for me), or send a swap request.
• By default, you get a reminder 30 days before a special date that hasn’t been arranged yet.

Yes. Under Profile, Settings, Agenda in Google or Apple you create a link that your calendar app, such as Google Calendar, Apple Calendar or Outlook, uses to follow your BeNice calendar.

• You’ll see the handovers, appointments, special dates and open swap requests.
• The link is read-only. You make changes in BeNice, so the two can’t drift apart.
• Appointments from your phone calendar aren’t included, and appointments visible only to participants are only included if you’re a participant.
• Anyone who has the link can read the calendar, so don’t share it. You can switch the link off or replace it with a new one at any time.

Yes. Choose Print calendar in the menu. You pick a week or a month and whether to include the children, and you get a PDF to print or share.

This needs a custody schedule in the calendar.

Yes. Reminders are set per family circle. For a handover, you get a reminder at 9 pm the evening before by default, and you choose whether you want it for drop-offs, pick-ups or both.

• Open requests: a reminder one day after the request was sent, and one week before the date it’s about.
• Special dates: a reminder when a date hasn’t been arranged yet.
• Appointments: no reminder, unless you add one.

Reminders don’t appear while notifications for BeNice are switched off.

With a swap request. In the calendar, choose the day or period, pick the type of request and add a note about why if you like. The other parent gets a notification and can accept or decline the request.

• The request shows what changes compared with the current schedule.
• If the other parent accepts, the calendar updates itself for both of you.
• You’ll find all your requests under Swap Requests in the menu.

There are four types, each for a different kind of change to the schedule:

• Day Swap: part of a day, without an overnight stay. It can also repeat every week or every month.
• Night Swap: one or more nights.
• Handover Change: a different time or place for one handover.
• Change Base Schedule: a permanent change to the regular schedule itself.

If your schedule includes part-of-day care, you can also change a part-of-day slot once: skip it this time, or different hours this time.

If the other parent accepts, the calendar updates itself for both of you. If they decline, the schedule stays as it was. Either way, you get a notification.

• When accepting or declining, the other parent can add a comment.
• If the other parent edits the request, it’s your turn to respond.
• Each request keeps its history: who proposed what, and when.

Yes. As long as the other parent hasn’t responded, you can edit or cancel your request.

• To change or remove an accepted request, you send a new proposal, which the other parent accepts in turn.
• A declined or cancelled request can be restored.

The most recently accepted night swap wins. When you accept a night swap, earlier accepted night swaps and handover changes on the same days are replaced. Before you accept, the app shows which arrangements will be replaced.

• A day swap is never replaced and never replaces anything.
• You can’t make a handover change on a day that already has a night swap or a handover change. Edit that arrangement instead.
• A request that’s still open is never replaced on its own.

When something is replaced, it stays visible with the reason, and the other parent is notified.

Yes. If the other parent hasn’t joined yet, you can record a request yourself with Solo Accept, with a note if you like. That way an arrangement you made outside the app still ends up in your calendar.

On your own, a change to the custody schedule also takes effect right away.

Expenses (called Kasboek in Dutch) tracks the children’s costs and works out, using your split, who owes whom. You both see the same expenses and the same balance.

• For each expense you enter the amount, date, category, a title and who paid. You can add a note, the children it’s for and a photo of the receipt.
• There are twelve categories, such as school and childcare, health, clothing and sport, and you can create your own.
• You choose the currency: euro, Swiss franc, British pound, US dollar, or Danish, Norwegian or Swedish krone.
• If someone edits an expense, the earlier version stays visible in the history.

Yes. Under Who pays which share you choose your own split in percentages, for example 60/40.

• You can set a different split per category, for example for school.
• For a single expense you can choose a different split, as a percentage or an exact amount.

Yes. Take a photo of the receipt and choose Auto-fill with AI. BeNice reads the amount, date, description and category from the photo. Always check the fields before you save.

If you’d rather fill it in yourself, that’s fine too; the photo simply stays attached to the expense as the receipt. Receipt reading works during the free trial and with a subscription.

Settling up closes a period: the open expenses are added up and one parent pays the balance to the other. You decide when to settle, for example every month.

1. One of you proposes a settlement.
2. The other parent accepts, or adjusts something first. Then it’s the first parent’s turn again.
3. The parent who owes the money transfers it themselves and taps I sent the payment. You can add proof of payment.
4. The other parent taps I received it. The period is then settled and a new one begins.

Then you dispute it. Open the expense, tap Dispute and explain why. The parent who entered the expense is notified.

• While the dispute is open, the expense doesn’t count towards the balance.
• The parent who entered the expense can accept the dispute, so the expense stays out of the balance, or propose a corrected version.
• You can also withdraw your dispute.

No. BeNice works out who owes what, but it doesn’t transfer money and isn’t connected to your bank. You transfer the amount yourself and then mark in the app that you’ve paid.

Expenses doesn’t track child support or a fixed maintenance payment separately. It’s meant for the children’s shared costs.

Yes, as a PDF. In Expenses, tap the share icon, choose the period (week, month, quarter, year or custom) and, if you like, a child, a category or which expenses to include.

The PDF includes your split, a summary per category, per child and per parent, all expenses and previous settlements. Useful if you want to go over the costs with a mediator.

Yes. You then use Expenses as your own record: you enter all costs, including what the other parent paid. Settling up is only possible once you’re both using it.

If the other parent joins later, they get an overview, Expenses so far. They can mark everything as read in one go, or dispute an individual expense.

Yes, with a reminder. For an expense, you can set a reminder every month, quarter or year. On that day you add the same expense again with one tap.

BeNice never adds an expense on its own, so you always stay in control.

In the Photo Diary. You create an album with a title, date, place, the children who were there, a description and the photos. You both see all albums, and the other parent gets a notification for each new album.

• You can both comment on an album or a photo.
• You can save a photo to your own phone.
• Only the person who created an album can edit it or add photos. Only the person who posted a photo can delete it.

In the Info tab, under Shared Info. It brings together your contacts, your files and all the details per child.

• Contacts: school, doctor, sports club, babysitter, with phone, email and address. You can mark a contact as an emergency contact.
• Information per child: for example blood type, diet, vaccinations, allergies, medication, bedtimes, height and weight, clothing sizes, shoe size, school and class.
• Categories: Health, School, Sport & Recreation, Accounts and General.

Yes. Under Files in Shared Info you can store PDFs, photos and other documents, such as an insurance card, a school report or your parenting plan.

You can add extra protection to sensitive details. They then only open after Face ID, your fingerprint or your phone’s passcode (Protected by device security).

Yes. For each item, contact or file, Choose who can see this. lets you decide who can see it.

• A new item is visible to you and to the parents of the children you link it to.
• A new file is visible to the family circle unless you change that.

Each family circle has 2 GB of storage. You share it between the photos in the Photo Diary, the receipts in Expenses, the files in Shared Info and the photos in the chat.

Photos in the Photo Diary are resized when you upload them, so they take up less space.

Yes, with the Parenting Plan Assistant in your chat list. You answer the questions in a chat, whenever suits you and at your own pace, and they turn into a draft parenting plan.

• If you need to stop, you carry on later where you left off.
• If you don’t understand a question, ask for an explanation or an example.
• You can export the plan as a formal document to sign, or as Talking Points, a summary to go through together or with a mediator.

The assistant is part of the subscription and also works during the free trial. Read more on our parenting plan page.

No, each of you fills in your own plan. What you enter in the Parenting Plan Assistant is yours alone: the other parent can’t see it.

To discuss the plan, share the PDF with the other parent or your mediator. If you work with a mediator who uses BeNice, they can draw up a joint parenting plan with you, where each of you fills in your own answers.

Not in itself. What the assistant produces is a draft, not legal advice. Have it checked by a mediator, lawyer or other professional before you use it as an official plan.

The assistant is available in English, Dutch and French, but it doesn’t take the rules of any particular country into account.

Yes, if you want that. You invite a professional from your family circle. The professional needs their own professional account.

• If you’re both on the app, you both have to agree. If you’re using it on your own, your consent is enough.
• One professional at a time can be linked to a family circle.
• The parent the family circle belongs to can unlink the professional again.
• An invitation for a professional is valid for 90 days.

In the portal, the professional sees your names and email addresses as parents. Beyond that, each parent decides what they share, with four settings that are on by default:

• chat statistics, such as the number of messages and how often the Feedback Coach made a suggestion
• activity in the app
• Expenses statistics
• the chat’s content, through Share chat content with professional. An export of the conversation is only possible while you both keep this on.

You’ll find these settings with your family circle. A linked professional becomes part of your family circle, so only link someone you both trust.

It means that professional is supporting you through BeNice, and their organisation arranges your access. In the app you’ll see Managed by a professional.

• The professional can switch off parts that don’t fit right now, such as the chat, the BeNice Coach, the Photo Diary, Expenses or the parenting plan.
• The professional can set the chat to Focused on the children.
• If the professional works with you on a parenting plan, each of you fills in your own answers in the app, and the professional shares the final plan with you as a PDF.

Professionals, such as mediators and family support workers, use their own web portal at pro.benice.family. There you create family circles for the families you support, choose per family which parts are switched on, and, with the parents' consent, see statistics. You keep notes, and colleagues work together within one organisation.

the portal is free once your organisation is approved. Read more on the page for professionals.

Your messages, the children’s details, photos, receipts and everything the AI in BeNice processes are stored in the European Union. The servers and the AI run in European data centres.

A few services are global by nature, and we’re upfront about them: signing in, delivering push notifications, handling subscriptions through Apple, Google and RevenueCat, and, only if you consent, app statistics and error reports. Read more in our privacy policy (in Dutch).

No. BeNice doesn’t train AI models on your conversations, photos or financial details, and doesn’t analyse them across families.

The AI in BeNice is Google’s Gemini, through Vertex AI in the EU. On that service, Google doesn’t use customer data to train its models. That’s set out in Google Cloud’s terms (Training Restriction).

No. Nobody at BeNice reads your conversations. The AI looks at a message so the Feedback Coach and the filter can work, but no person reads along.

• If you report something yourself: when you use Report Response on a message, a team member in the Netherlands may look at that message and the few messages before it, without your name or account details.
• If you link a professional: they can see the chat, as long as you both allow it.
• Technical administration: as with any app that stores messages, only the people who run BeNice technically have access to the systems. That access is for maintenance and fixing problems, not for reading along. staff access policy.

No, like most apps where you keep and search your messages. Your data is encrypted in transit and encrypted when stored on our servers, and access is restricted.

End-to-end would mean your messages could only be read on your own phone. We then couldn’t restore them if you lost your phone, and the Feedback Coach and the BeNice Coach couldn’t help you anymore.

The AI reads a message at the moment it’s needed: so the Feedback Coach can make a suggestion, the filter can create a neutral version, CheckPoint can recognise questions, a receipt can be read, or the BeNice Coach can reply.

• This happens through Google’s Gemini, in the EU.
• The text sent for checking is deleted once it’s been processed. What you send then simply stays in your chat.
• The BeNice Coach also uses the upcoming appointments, today’s schedule, your latest messages with the other parent and what it remembers about your situation. You manage the latter yourself under Coach memories.

Only if you agree. Under Profile, Settings, Privacy & Data Settings you choose whether BeNice may collect app statistics and error reports, and whether marketing measurement is allowed.

• Without your consent, no app statistics are collected.
• If you allow app improvements, BeNice may also record how screens are used. Names, messages, photos and other personal details are masked in those recordings. masking in session recordings.
• Error reports have a switch of their own, which stays off until you say yes.

Yes. Switch on App lock under Profile, Settings. BeNice then locks as soon as you leave the app, and opens again with Face ID, your fingerprint or your phone’s passcode.

You switch the app lock on per phone or tablet, and it only works if your phone itself has a lock set up.

Yes. Email info@benice.family and we’ll send you your data. There isn’t a button for this in the app yet.

If you only want your conversation, you can get it yourself with Export chat in Chat Details. Expenses can be exported as a PDF.

First check how you originally created your account: with Google, with Apple, or with an email address and password. Those are three different ways in, even if the email address is the same.

• Forgot your password? Tap Forgot Password? on the sign-in screen and follow the link in the email.
• Started with Google or Apple? Then sign in that way. If you’d also like to sign in with your email address, set a password under Profile, Settings with Set a password.
• Apple and a hidden email address: if you chose "Hide My Email" with Apple, BeNice knows an Apple forwarding address rather than your own.

If it still doesn’t work, email support@benice.family.

Go to Profile, Settings, Change email address, confirm your password and enter your new address. You’ll get an email at the new address; open the link in it in the app. From then on you sign in with the new address.

This only works if you sign in with an email address and password. A Google or Apple address is managed by Google or Apple.

BeNice sends notifications about new messages, requests, expenses, photos, invitations and special dates. You set everything under Profile, Settings, Notifications.

• Allow Notifications: the main switch. If it’s off, nothing comes through, including reminders.
• Per type: switch each kind of notification on or off, and choose whether a message’s text shows in the notification.
• Quiet hours: hold notifications during a time you choose, and get one summary afterwards.
• Per conversation: switch off Chat notifications in Chat Details for that one conversation.

If nothing comes through while everything is on, also check the notification settings on your phone.

It means the version of BeNice on your phone is no longer supported. Tap the button on that screen and update the app through the App Store or Google Play. Then you can carry on.

If you can’t update, for example because your phone is too old, email us at support@benice.family.

Go to Profile, Settings, Delete account and follow the steps. Your account is permanently deleted after 14 days; until then you can change your mind.

• You’ll get an email when the 14 days start, and a reminder just before they end.
• If you change your mind, tap Cancel Deletion under Profile, Settings. Just signing in again isn’t enough.
• After 14 days, it’s final and can’t be undone.
• Your subscription doesn’t stop by itself. Cancel it separately in the App Store or Google Play.

What you shared in the family circle is kept for the other parent, such as your chat, the calendar and Expenses. Your name and personal details are removed from it.

What’s yours alone is deleted: your account, your conversations with the BeNice Coach, your Solo conversations, your Parenting Plan Assistant, your profile photo and your own appointments. A family circle is only removed if you’re the last parent in it and no professional is involved.

Email support@benice.family or use the contact form. In the app you can also use Send Feedback in your chat overview.

If it’s about a problem, please include:

• the email address you signed up with
• which phone you use, and which version of the app (you’ll find it under Profile, right at the bottom)
• what you did and what happened

Missing something in the app? Let us know too; we read every suggestion.