Frequently asked questions

BeNice is an app for separated parents who arrange the care of their children together. Everything you agree on sits in one place, for both of you. Think of the messages, the custody schedule, the costs and the children's details. That is how BeNice gives you calm and a clear overview.

What you will find in BeNice:

• a chat with the other parent, in which the Feedback Coach reads along before you send a message for good
• a filter that rewrites a sharp message into a calm version for you, so you read the message and not the tone
• the BeNice Coach, a personal coach only you can see: somewhere to put what is bothering you, prepare a difficult conversation, or write a calm reply together
• a shared calendar with your custody schedule, the school holidays and swap requests
• Expenses for the costs of the children, and who still owes what to whom
• the Photo Diary and Shared Info, for photos, contacts, documents and the children's details
• the Parenting Plan Assistant, which helps you make a first version of a parenting plan

You use BeNice on iPhone, iPad and Android, in Dutch, English and French.

BeNice is for separated parents, and for parents who are separating now. You care for the children together. Do you get along well, or would you rather speak as little as possible? BeNice helps in both cases.

• For both parents, each with their own account. About the children you see the same. Of each other's private lives you see nothing. One subscription covers your whole family circle.
• Also if the other parent isn't taking part. You can start on your own. Your messages reach the other parent as an ordinary e-mail. The reply comes back in BeNice. The other parent doesn't have to install anything.
• If contact is difficult. BeNice keeps messages short and about the children, without reproach. If things get heated, a message doesn't simply arrive.
• If you manage well together. Set the check to a gentler level together. The Feedback Coach then won't interrupt you for a warm word or a light remark. That setting is called Room for more.

In BeNice, contact about the children has a place of its own. The messages, the arrangements and the costs are all there together, and the Feedback Coach reads along before you send anything. In WhatsApp the other parent's message arrives in among the birthday photos; in BeNice it stays with the rest.

• A moment to think before you send. If you write something in anger, the Feedback Coach offers the same message without the reproach. You decide what you send. That helps prevent a message you later regret.
• A calm version of what comes in. If a sharp message does arrive, you read a calm version. You can always open the original.
• Arrangements don't go missing. A swap or a new time goes into the calendar, not into a message that sinks out of sight.
• No read receipts. Nobody sees whether or when the other has read a message.
• If things get heated, BeNice slows down. Send several tense messages in a row without the other replying and the chat pauses for a while. Two hours at most, or less if the other responds. Threats, intimidation and plain insults never arrive.

In BeNice each parent has a colour of their own, so you see at a glance where the children are. You also arrange the swapping and the drop-offs and pick-ups there. A shared calendar only shows who is doing what, and when.

• One schedule for both of you. The custody schedule is in the calendar for both of you. If the children don't follow the same rhythm, each child can have a schedule of their own.
• Dropping off and picking up is part of it. You set which days the handover falls on, at what time, who drops off and who picks up, and where. The evening before you get a reminder, for the drop-off, the pick-up or both.
• Swapping with one request. If you want to swap for once, you send a swap request. If the other says yes, the calendar adjusts itself. Nobody changes on their own where the children are.
• You see straight away what a request means. The request shows what changes compared with the schedule. And before you say yes, BeNice shows which earlier arrangements will lapse.
• The school holidays go in all at once. You pick your region. Birthdays and public holidays you arrange separately, and those can come back every year.
• It works both ways. You can show your own calendar inside BeNice; only you see those appointments. And your BeNice calendar can be followed in Google Calendar, Apple Calendar or Outlook. You always make changes in BeNice, so the two can't drift apart.

Many parents ask an AI chatbot such as ChatGPT, Claude or Gemini how to respond to a message from their ex. That often helps to get your thoughts in order. On top of that, BeNice does four things a general chatbot can't.

• There is a method behind it. BeNice was built with mediators and youth care professionals, and the Feedback Coach follows BIFF by Bill Eddy, developed for messages after a separation. The same rules apply to both of you. A general chatbot only knows your side of the story and easily tells you what you want to hear.
• It sits where it is needed. The Feedback Coach reads along at the moment you press send, not afterwards in another window. And the filter protects the parent who receives the message too. A chatbot only helps whoever opens it.
• You don't have to explain anything. The BeNice Coach knows your situation: the coming days in the calendar, who has the children today and the latest messages. You don't have to paste a conversation or set out how things stand.
• What you write stays with you. Your data sits on servers in Europe and isn't used to train AI models. Paste the conversation about your children into a general chatbot and it sits with another company.

If you just want to get something off your chest or look something up, a general chatbot is fine. When it is about your arrangements and your children, the BeNice Coach is there for that.

Yes. Many parents use BeNice mainly for the planning and the overview, not to prevent arguments.

• The schedule is settled and you both see the same. The school holidays go in all at once.
• Birthdays, public holidays and holidays you arrange ahead. The colour shows what still needs doing: red is nothing arranged yet, orange is waiting on one of you, green is settled. If something is still open, you get a reminder 30 days in advance.
• Everything about the children in one place. School, GP, allergies, phone numbers and documents, for both of you.
• The costs don't get tangled. Expenses keeps track of who paid what and who still owes the other.
• Children from two families? Then you create two family circles, and everything stays separate per family.

If you get along well, the chat doesn't have to be strict. Set the check to a gentler level together; that setting is called Room for more. It only takes effect once you both agree, and either of you can always set it back.

Yes. With parallel parenting you arrange parenthood as separately as possible. In practice that means: no phone calls or conversations at the door, messages that are only about the children, arrangements fixed in advance instead of talking everything through each time, and your own rules in your own home. Whatever still has to be arranged together goes through BeNice. If you each have your own care professional rather than one you both see, that is called parallel solo parenting.

• All messages in one place. Every message passes the Feedback Coach, which keeps it short and factual. If a sharp message comes in, you read a calm version.
• Arranging without talking. The custody schedule is in the calendar, a swap you ask for with a swap request, and the costs go into Expenses. That way you don't have to chat about it.
• The children's details are already there. School, GP, allergies, phone numbers and documents are in Shared Info, for both of you. So you don't have to ask.
• You choose when you look. Turn notifications off for the hours you set; afterwards you get one summary of them. That setting is called quiet hours. With CheckPoint you see meanwhile which questions are still open.
• Also if the other parent isn't taking part. You can start on your own. Your messages reach the other parent as an ordinary e-mail. The other parent doesn't have to install anything.

Are you working with a mediator or care professional who supports you both? They can be linked to your family circle and look along. The professional can lock the chat on the strict setting, so messages stay short and factual. If the professional removes that lock, the two of you choose again. The professional can also switch off parts that don't fit, for example the chat if there is to be no contact for a while. The calendar then simply keeps working, so the custody schedule carries on and stays visible.

BeNice is there to arrange the day-to-day things around the children together. It doesn't replace help or advice from a professional.

• No legal advice. BeNice and the BeNice Coach give no legal, medical or psychological advice. For an official arrangement you need a mediator, a lawyer or a civil-law notary.
• No verdict on evidence. What has been said and agreed stays put: nobody can change or delete a sent message, and you can export the chat, Expenses and the calendar. What counts is the original message, not the filtered version. Whether such an export counts in a legal procedure is for a lawyer or a court to decide.
• Not an emergency service. If there is immediate danger, call 112.
• You transfer the money yourself. Expenses works out who still owes the other. The transfer you make yourself.
• Not for children. Only parents have an account, and possibly a professional supporting you.

That is for a court to decide, not for us. In some countries a court, a mediator or a family support worker agrees with parents how they will communicate, and BeNice becomes that place.

For BeNice such an arrangement changes nothing: everyone uses the same app, with the same rules for both parents. That is exactly what BeNice was built for:

• Nobody can change afterwards what was said. A sent message stays as it is, for both of you.
• Arrangements sit in the calendar instead of somewhere in a conversation, and a swap only goes through if you both agree to it.
• The Feedback Coach applies to both of you. Threats, intimidation and plain insults never arrive.
• A mediator or care professional can be linked, and sees only what you both share.

Whether a printout counts in a legal procedure is for a lawyer or a court to decide.

A family circle is your shared place in BeNice: the two parents, the children and, if you want, a professional such as a mediator. The chat, the calendar, Expenses, the Photo Diary and Shared Info all belong to that one circle.

• A family circle always has two parents. If the other parent isn't taking part yet, their name is already in it, so you can start.
• If you have children with two different parents, you create two family circles. Everything stays separate per family.
• With the ordinary subscription one circle is active. For two circles there is a subscription of its own.

No. BeNice is for the parents; children have no account and don't log in anywhere. So they don't see what the two of you write to each other.

You fill in their names and details yourself. That way you can keep the calendar, Expenses and the photos per child. Who sees what of those details, you decide per item in Shared Info.

Would you like your child to see the schedule? Choose Print calendar in the menu, pick a week and include the children. You get a PDF you can print and put on the fridge.

Would you like children to be able to do something in BeNice themselves? Let us know through the contact form. We'd like to hear how you imagine it.

In Dutch, English and French. Each parent picks a language of their own, so you can each work in a different one. If one of you writes in Dutch and the other in French, that simply works.

Under Profile, Settings there are two language settings:

• Display language: the language of the menus, buttons and texts. You can also let it follow your phone's language.
• Coach language: the language the BeNice Coach speaks with you.

The Feedback Coach needs no setting: it answers in the language you write your message in.

Yes. BeNice works in Belgium just as it does in the Netherlands, with the Belgian school holidays and public holidays in the calendar and the app in Dutch or French.

• School holidays and public holidays: you choose Flanders or Wallonia-Brussels, and the school holidays and public holidays appear in your shared calendar in one go.
• A language each: if one parent speaks Dutch and the other French, each of you picks a language of your own. The BeNice Coach talks to you in the language you choose, and the Feedback Coach answers in the language you write in.
• Your living arrangements: the arrangements about where the children stay go into the calendar as your custody schedule. That works whether you split the days equally or the children mainly live with one parent.
• Price: €9.99 a month or €99 a year, one subscription for both of you, just as in the Netherlands. You pay through the App Store or Google Play.

Your data stays in the European Union.

BeNice is made by BeNice.family B.V., a Dutch company based in Monster. The founders are René Persoon and Jennifer Bras. They built BeNice together with mediators and youth care professionals, and work with them along the lines of Blended Mediation: the conversations stay with the professional, and BeNice is there for everything in between.

The team is in the Netherlands, and your data stays in Europe.

You can reach us through the contact form or by e-mail at support@benice.family.

You download BeNice for free from the App Store for iPhone and iPad, and from Google Play for Android. In both stores the app is called BeNice - co-parenting app. Both buttons are together on the download page.

• iPhone and iPad: iOS 16.6 or later.
• Android: Android 7.0 or later.

You don't need an invitation from the other parent to start, and no payment details either. You create an account and the first 7 days are free.

No. For parents BeNice exists only as an app, on your phone or tablet. There is no website to sign in to.

Mediators and care professionals do work on a computer, with BeNice for Professionals.

Would you like to use BeNice on your computer? Let us know through the contact form.

You create an account in the app itself, with Google, with Apple, or with your email address and a password. The app then asks a few short questions and you set up your family circle. It takes a few minutes.

1. Download BeNice and choose how you want to sign in. Tick the box for the terms and the privacy policy while you do.
2. If you choose your email address, confirm it using the link in the email you receive.
3. Say what you would most like help with. That decides which questions follow.
4. Say whether the other parent invited you, or whether you are starting yourself. If you were invited, you don't have to fill in the rest: the other parent has already done it.
5. Enter your name and the other parent's name. You don't need their email address.
6. Add the children.
7. Set up the custody schedule, or do that later.

Your 7-day free trial starts as soon as your account exists. After that you choose whether to invite the other parent or start on your own first.

From 18. You have to be 18 or older to create an account. That is in our terms.

BeNice is for the parents. Children have no account, not even older children. You fill in their details yourself.

No, each of you has an account of your own. That costs nothing extra: one subscription covers your whole family circle.

With an account of your own it is also clear who wrote and agreed to what. That is why you keep your login details to yourself, and don't create an account in someone else's name.

Change your password straight away and let us know at support@benice.family. From that moment on, you are no longer responsible for what happens next. If you sign in with Google or Apple, change your password there.

Until you tell us, what happens with your login details is your responsibility. So keep them to yourself.

Would you rather nobody else could read your messages or your conversations with the BeNice Coach? Then switch on the app lock. BeNice locks as soon as you leave the app, and opens only with your face, your fingerprint or your phone's passcode.

No. You start with 7 days free, without payment details and without buying anything in the App Store or Google Play.

Nothing is charged automatically afterwards, and there is nothing to cancel either. If you want to carry on after those 7 days, you choose a subscription yourself. Only then will the App Store or Google Play ask for your payment details. What happens to your data if you don't carry on, you can read under what happens after the free trial.

Yes. Sign in with the same account on each device and you'll see the same messages, calendar and details everywhere. BeNice works on iPhone, iPad and Android, and a mix of those works too.

Your data and your settings belong to your account, not to your phone. So on a new phone you simply sign in and everything is there again. You get your subscription back with Restore Purchases.

Two things are set per device: the appearance (light or dark) and the app lock.

BeNice costs €9.99 a month or €99 a year. That is one subscription for both of you, for one family circle: the other parent pays nothing extra. If you split the cost, you each pay about €5 a month.

• With the yearly plan you pay €99 instead of €119.88. That saves you a good two months.
• You start with 7 days free, plus 7 more days for both of you as soon as the other parent joins. No payment details needed.
• If you have children in two families, there is a subscription for two family circles: €197.99 a year. There is no monthly version of that one.
• In the Netherlands and Belgium you pay in euros, in the United Kingdom in pounds and in the United States in dollars. You will see the amount that applies to you in the app before you buy anything; it comes straight from the App Store or Google Play.

You hear it from us by email at least 30 days in advance, and you pay your current price until the end of the period you agreed to.

• The App Store or Google Play lets you know as well, by email and in the app.
• If you pay monthly, the new price applies from the month after. With a yearly plan, only at the next yearly payment.
• For a larger increase, the App Store or Google Play asks you to agree first. If you don't, your subscription ends when the period does.
• You can also cancel yourself before the new price starts.

Yes. You can try BeNice free for 7 days. When the other parent joins, you both get 7 more days, so 14 days together.

• The trial starts as soon as you create your account. During those days you can use everything.
• You don't have to enter any payment details, and nothing is charged afterwards. You decide for yourself whether to subscribe.
• The 7 extra days are given once per family circle, at the moment the other parent joins. If one of you already has a paid subscription, that parent doesn't get them.

No. BeNice runs on subscriptions, not on your data. There are no adverts, and we don't sell your data on. The Feedback Coach reads along with every message and your data sits on servers in Europe. That costs money, and that is what the subscription is for.

You can try BeNice free for 7 days first. If you would rather not subscribe after that, everything you have put in simply stays. You can both keep looking at the messages, the calendar and the costs, only nothing new can be added. You can read more under do we lose our data without a subscription.

Everything. With a subscription you can both use every part of BeNice, and there is nothing you have to buy separately. One subscription covers your whole family circle.

• the chat, with the Feedback Coach and the filter
• the BeNice Coach
• BeNice Solo, to reach the other parent by email
• the calendar, with the custody schedule, the school holidays and swap requests
• Expenses, including reading receipts from a photo
• the Photo Diary and Shared Info
• the Parenting Plan Assistant

No. One subscription covers both of you, because it belongs to the family circle. The parent who subscribes gives the other the same access automatically.

If you want to share the cost, you can put the subscription in Expenses as a recurring cost. For the yearly plan, the app also shows what it comes to per parent per month.

That is up to you. One of you takes out the subscription, usually the parent who created the family circle. The other doesn't have to do anything and has the same access.

• If the subscription lapses, the other parent can reactivate the family circle with their own subscription. The family circle then belongs to that parent.
• If you both subscribe, only the subscription of the parent the circle belongs to counts for that circle. Cancel one through the App Store or Google Play so you don't pay twice.

We don't have a separate scheme for a low income. Some municipalities and organisations do pay for BeNice for the families they support.

Is something running for you through a municipality, a local team, youth care or a mediator? Tell them you want to use BeNice and ask them to contact us at support@benice.family. We'll gladly explain how it works.

No. Everything stays, and you can both keep looking at it: the messages, the calendar, the expenses and the photos. Only nothing new can be added.

• Adding new messages, appointments, requests and expenses is no longer possible, for the other parent either.
• The BeNice Coach, BeNice Solo, the Parenting Plan Assistant and receipt reading stop.
• If you subscribe later, you carry on where you left off.

One thing worth knowing: if you don't sign in for 24 months, you get an email from us. If you then don't sign in for another 60 days, we delete your account. As long as you sign in now and then, everything is kept.

You cancel in the App Store or in Google Play, whenever you like. In BeNice, the Manage Subscription button takes you straight there.

• iPhone or iPad: Settings, your name, Subscriptions, BeNice.
• Android: Google Play, Subscriptions, BeNice.

Cancel at least 24 hours before the end of the period, otherwise the subscription renews once more. You keep access until the end of the period you have already paid for. You change your payment details in the same place.

Note: deleting your account does not cancel your subscription. You always do that separately in the store.

You ask Apple or Google for that, because that is where you paid. We can't refund a payment made through the App Store or Google Play ourselves.

• Apple: at reportaproblem.apple.com.
• Google Play: through your order history in Google Play.

If you have just taken out a subscription and want out of it, you can cancel it within 7 days of the start date. Whether you get your money back is for Apple and Google to decide, under their own rules.

If you only want to try BeNice out, you don't have to cancel anything. The trial ends by itself and you pay nothing, unless you take out a subscription yourself.

Yes, through Subscription in BeNice.

• From monthly to yearly, or from one to two family circles: that can be done at any time and starts straight away.
• From yearly to monthly, or from two circles to one: that starts once the period you have already paid for has ended.

The app shows what is possible for each plan.

Yes. If you have children with two different parents, you create two family circles, one per family. The chat, the calendar, Expenses and the photos stay separate per family, so one parent sees nothing of the other family.

• With the ordinary subscription one family circle is active. For two at once there is the two-circle subscription.
• You can also switch a circle off instead of switching plans. A circle you switch off is kept.
• More than two active family circles at once isn't possible yet. Do you need more? Let us know through the contact form and we'll look for a solution together.
• A new partner doesn't get an account. A family circle is there for the children's two parents.

Sign in with your BeNice account and your subscription is there again right away. If you don't see it, tap Restore Purchases on the subscription screen.

Use the same Apple ID or Google account you bought the subscription with.

Codes from BeNice come as a link. Open that link on the phone where BeNice is installed; the app handles the code and gives you the free period that comes with it.

If the link doesn't work, email us at support@benice.family and include the code.

From your family circle, by email or with an invitation code. If you choose email, BeNice sends the invitation. If you choose the code, you share it yourself, for example through WhatsApp or simply in person.

• The code is eight characters (XXXX-XXXX) and is valid for 30 days. If you send the invitation again, that period starts again.
• The other parent installs BeNice, creates an account of their own and joins your family circle with the code or through the email.
• On Android you don't have to type the code: tap the link, open the app afterwards and you land in the right family circle.
• As soon as the other parent joins, you both get 7 more days free, as long as there is no subscription yet.

The other parent uses BeNice for calm and a clear overview around the children, and invites you to join. You don't have to, but together it works a good deal more easily: you see the same about the children and you can use all of BeNice.

You don't pay separately. One subscription covers the whole family circle, so both of you. If the other parent is still in the free trial, the two of you choose together who takes the subscription afterwards.

• The same rules apply to both of you. The Feedback Coach reads along for both of you, and nobody can switch it off. The filter on incoming messages is your own choice.
• There are no read receipts.
• Your conversations with the BeNice Coach are private. The other parent doesn't see them.
• You see the custody schedule, the calendar and the children straight away. If there are already expenses in Expenses, you get an overview of them, and you can object to one you don't recognise.
• What the other parent is called in your app is up to you. Only you see that name.

Did you get an email through BeNice Solo and would you rather not have an app? Then you can simply keep replying by email. Wondering what the other parent sees of you? That's under what the other parent sees.

Then you use BeNice on your own. With BeNice Solo your messages go to the other parent as an ordinary email, and the reply comes back in BeNice. They don't have to install anything or create an account.

The rest of BeNice works on your own too:

• Calendar and custody schedule: a change takes effect straight away, and you can record a swap yourself with Solo Accept.
• Expenses: keep track of the costs as your own records, including what the other parent paid.
• Shared Info and the Photo Diary: keep everything about the children in one place.
• The BeNice Coach: prepare a difficult conversation, even one you have through WhatsApp or email.

If the other parent changes their mind later, you both get 7 more days free, as long as there is no subscription yet.

You write in BeNice as in an ordinary chat, and BeNice sends your message to the other parent as an email. If they reply to the email, the reply comes back in the same conversation.

• Your chat list has a separate conversation per family circle: Message by email. There you fill in the other parent's email address, and your own name as it will appear in the email. Use your real name, not a nickname.
• Each conversation gets its own sender address from BeNice, ending in @mail.benice.family. The other parent sees "Your name (via BeNice)" as the sender. Your own email address stays hidden.
• Your messages pass the Feedback Coach first, just as in the ordinary chat. You can send photos too.
• As long as the other parent has never replied, you can send one message every 24 hours. That keeps emails from BeNice from being treated as unwanted, for example when the address is wrong. Once they have replied, that limit is gone.
• Replies come by email, so they can take a while. An email can also end up in the other parent's spam folder.
• BeNice Solo works during the free trial and with a subscription.

An ordinary email with your message, from "Your name (via BeNice)". Nothing is needed for it: no app and no account.

• The first message comes with a short introduction: what BeNice is, that this isn't advertising, how we handle the data and how they can stop the emails.
• Under every message there is a short footer with the same information.
• They reply simply by responding to the email.
• The text BeNice adds is in Dutch if you use BeNice in Dutch, and in English otherwise. Your own message goes exactly as you wrote it.

If a harsh or reproachful reply comes back, you read a calm version of it in BeNice. That filter is on by default; you can switch it off per conversation. You can always open the original reply with See original message.

Yes. The other parent replies with "stop" and gets a confirmation of it. You see in BeNice that they have chosen to stop the emails.

That is a choice of theirs, not a fault in BeNice. If they send an email themselves later on, the conversation carries on.

Yes. You always send to one address, but replies may come from several.

• If the other parent replies from an address you don't know yet, BeNice asks whether you want to add that address or block the sender. If you add it, you see that message and every later reply from that address.
• If an address isn't right, BeNice shows you and you can correct it.
• If the other parent stops the emails on one address, you can write to another one with Use a different address.
• You can't keep trying new addresses. As long as no reply has ever come, you can only use a few. To an address that worked before, you can always keep writing.

No, with one exception.

• Your phone number BeNice doesn't even know. You sign up with Google, Apple or an email address; we never ask for a number.
• In BeNice Solo your email address stays hidden. Your message reaches the other parent from an address of BeNice, with "Your name (via BeNice)" as the sender.
• The exception: if you invite the other parent by email, your email address is in that invitation. If you'd rather it weren't, share the invitation code yourself instead, for example through WhatsApp.

Then you talk in the family circle's ordinary chat from that point on, with everything else BeNice offers. If you are still in the free trial, you both get 7 more days, once per family circle. If one of you already pays, that parent doesn't get them.

• If the other parent came in through BeNice Solo, they create an account with the same email address your messages went to, and ask for access from BeNice. You approve it. Such a request stays open for 14 days.
• The email conversation stays there to read back, but doesn't move into the new chat.
• The expenses you had already put in Expenses are shown to the other parent as an overview. They can mark them all as read, or object to a single expense.

No. BeNice shows no read receipts. Nobody sees whether or when the other has read a message. That is deliberate: it saves arguments about who read what, and when.

• In the chat you see that your message has been sent.
• In BeNice Solo you see the status with every message: Sending, Sent or Couldn't be delivered. "Sent" means we have sent the email. Whether the other parent opens it, nobody can see, not even us.

The other parent sees what the two of you share: the chat, the calendar with the custody schedule, the swap requests, Expenses, the Photo Diary and the shared info you share.

Not visible to the other parent:

• your conversations with the BeNice Coach
• the suggestions the Feedback Coach gave you before you sent a message
• whether your filter is on or off
• whether and when you have read a message
• the answers in a parenting plan you make for yourself
• the appointments from your own phone calendar that you show inside BeNice
• anything in Shared Info you don't share with the other parent

If you are working on one joint parenting plan through a mediator, that part is different: there you see each other's answers, so you can respond to them.

No. A family circle is there for the children's two parents. New partners, grandparents, babysitters and children get no account. That keeps the contact about the children between the two of you.

You can link a professional, though, such as a mediator or care professional supporting you.

No. A family circle belongs to both of you. Nobody can put the other out of it, and there is no button to leave.

• The parent the family circle belongs to can switch it off for a while. Then you both lose access.
• If you really want out, you can delete your account. What you have shared in the family circle stays there for the other parent.

Under the Chats tab there is one conversation with the other parent per family circle. You write as you would in any chat, but every message passes the Feedback Coach before you send it for good. Messages that come in pass the filter, so you read the message and not the tone.

• You can send photos and respond to a particular message with Reply.
• If one of you asks a question, CheckPoint adds a tick box to it. It is ticked off by itself as soon as an answer comes, and you can also tick it off yourself.
• Search messages in Chat Details finds an old message again.
• Notifications are set per conversation.
• A sent message stays as it is: changing or deleting it isn't possible.

Small marks can appear under a message. They say something about that one message.

• A question mark: this message contains a question CheckPoint is following. It is ticked off as soon as an answer comes.
• A funnel: this message went through the filter, so you are reading the calm version. Press and hold the message to see what the other parent wrote.

If you see asterisks in the middle of a message, that is a word from your own Censored words list. That list is yours alone; the other parent sees their own message exactly as they wrote it.

With short, factual messages that are only about the children. The Feedback Coach reads along before you send anything and helps you with that.

• Before you send: if the Feedback Coach sees a reproach, a dig or a demanding tone in your message, you get a suggestion with the same message without that charge. You choose what you send.
• When something comes in: if a sharp message does arrive, you read a calm version.
• Arrangements without discussion: a swap you ask for with a swap request, an expense goes into Expenses. That saves a lot of back and forth in the chat.
• Letting off steam first: with the BeNice Coach you can put down what is bothering you and prepare a calm reply together.

You can read more tips in our article Communicating with your ex: how do you keep it kind?.

The idea is in the name: however things are between you, about the children you stay kind to each other. These rules follow from that, and they apply to both of you.

In BeNice and in BeNice Solo:

• you don't threaten, intimidate, insult or harass the other parent
• you don't try to get around the Feedback Coach or the filter
• you don't share anything unlawful, and no images of someone else where that isn't allowed
• you only use your own account

BeNice helps with that: what you receive passes the filter, and a message with a threat in it, for example, is held back by the Feedback Coach before it reaches the other parent.

CheckPoint keeps track of which questions in your chat are still open, so that no question sinks out of sight between the other messages. BeNice recognises questions in the messages and puts them in a list.

• With the button at the top of the chat you see which questions are still open, which have been answered, or all of them.
• A question is ticked off by itself when the parent it was asked of responds to it with Reply (swipe the message aside or press and hold).
• You can also mark a message as a question yourself, or mark a question as answered, for example when you have already sorted it out on the phone.

Yes, you can simply send photos in the chat.

• Before a photo is sent, BeNice takes the hidden details out of it: where and when the photo was taken and with which device.
• Photos are reviewed just like messages: explicit, violent or hateful images don't reach the other parent.
• With Show images as soon as they arrive in Chat Details you decide whether photos are visible straight away.

If you want to keep and organise photos of the children, that is what the Photo Diary is for.

Not in the chat. Documents the two of you need to be able to find again, such as a health card or a passport, go into Shared Info.

If you write through BeNice Solo, so by email, you can send an attachment, up to 15 MB in total.

No. BeNice is for contact in writing, and that is a deliberate choice. A message you can read once more before you send it, and the Feedback Coach reads along. In a phone call a sentence is out before you know it.

If you do want to call, you do that outside BeNice. If the call didn't go well, you can talk it over with the BeNice Coach afterwards and write a calm message together.

Would you like calling or video calling in BeNice? Let us know through the contact form.

No. A message that has been sent stays as it is, for both of you. Nobody can change afterwards what was said. If you want to put something right, send a new message.

If you have doubts about a message, the Feedback Coach helps you before you send it, and you can talk it over with the BeNice Coach first.

Yes. Choose Export chat in Chat Details. You get the conversation as a text file that you can keep or share. You don't need the other parent's permission for it.

Nobody can change or delete a message once it is sent, so inside BeNice the conversation stays as it happened. What counts is the original message, not the filtered version.

A text file you save yourself can be tampered with afterwards. If a mediator or care professional is working with you, they can take the chat from BeNice for Professionals. That is only possible if you both allow it, and BeNice records that it happened: who did it, when, and how many messages it covered. Such an export comes from a third party and can be traced. Whether it counts in a legal procedure is for a lawyer or a court to decide.

The other parent doesn't get a notification when you export your conversation. When a professional takes the chat, that's different: it is only possible if you both allow it.

Expenses can be exported as a PDF, and you print the calendar with Print calendar in the menu.

The Feedback Coach reads every message to the other parent before you send it. An ordinary message goes straight through. If there is a reproach, a dig or a demanding tone in it, the message is held for a moment and you are shown the same message in a calmer form.

You see a short explanation and a suggestion, and you choose:

• edit your message
• send the suggestion
• Send anyway, as you wrote it
• Talk to your coach, to discuss it with the BeNice Coach first

Some messages never go through: threats, intimidation, plain insults with nothing in them, and romantic or sexual advances to the other parent. Photos are reviewed too: explicit, violent or hateful images don't reach the other parent.

The Feedback Coach works with the help of AI and applies to both of you, with the same rules.

BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. It is a way of responding to tense or hostile messages, devised by Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute and often used after a separation. The Feedback Coach in BeNice works along BIFF lines.

A message in BIFF form is:

• Brief: short and to the point.
• Informative: it shares or asks for facts about the children and the arrangements.
• Friendly: neutral to friendly in tone.
• Firm: clear, without reproach, insults, sarcasm, threats, guilt or dragging up the past.

If your message doesn't meet that but does have a real point in it, you get a suggestion in BIFF form. It keeps every fact, every request and every worry, and only leaves out the attack. You decide what you send.

If you have chosen Room for more together, the respect stays the same, but a message no longer has to be short and may be about something else.

No, you do. The Feedback Coach makes a suggestion, but you can always tap Send anyway and send your own words.

Only messages the Feedback Coach blocks, such as threats or plain insults, can't be sent. You see those as Message Blocked.

If you send a message as you wrote it, the other parent reads a calm version of it when they have the filter on.

Usually because the Feedback Coach is holding it back, or because the chat is paused for a moment. These are the possible reasons:

• Message Blocked: there is a threat, intimidation, a plain insult with nothing in it, or a romantic or sexual advance in it.
• A pause: if you send a few tense messages in a short time, BeNice suggests taking a breath. If tense messages keep coming without the other replying, or a great many messages in quick succession, the chat pauses for a while. Two hours at most, or less if the other parent replies sooner. The BeNice Coach stays available the whole time.
• Worries about yourself: if you write that you want to harm yourself, that message doesn't go to the other parent and BeNice shows you where you can turn.
• The check isn't working for a moment: then we hold your message and deliver it as soon as we can. You see Waiting for review. You don't have to do anything, and there is no point in sending it again, not even in other words. It can take longer than you are used to.
• In BeNice Solo: if the check fails, your message hasn't been sent and you try again in a moment.
• Your email address hasn't been confirmed yet, or the family circle's trial or subscription has ended.
• No internet: check your wifi or mobile connection.

No. The Feedback Coach applies to both of you, always, with the same rules. Nobody can switch it off: not you, and not the other parent either.

What you do choose together is how strict it is, under Message checking in Chat Details. And you can always set a Feedback Coach suggestion aside with Send anyway, except for messages that are blocked.

Yes, if you both want that. Under Message checking in Chat Details there are two settings:

• Focused on the children: the default. Messages stay short, factual and friendly, and the Feedback Coach steps in readily.
• Room for more: for parents who get on well. The Feedback Coach won't interrupt you for a warm word or a bit of small talk.

If you choose Room for more, the other parent receives it as a suggestion and it only starts once they agree. Either of you can go back to Focused on the children at once, without asking.

If a professional is supporting you, they can lock the chat on Focused on the children for the time being. And when the other parent has just joined, the chat always starts on Focused on the children.

The filter turns a sharp message into a calm version, so you read the message and not the tone. That happens with messages the other parent sent anyway after the Feedback Coach had suggested a calmer version.

• The calm version is written with the name you gave the other parent, for example: "Mark asks whether the children can come an hour later on Friday."
• A small filter icon by the message shows that it has been adjusted. You can always open the original message.
• Ordinary messages come in unchanged. Blocked messages don't reach you at all.
• The filter is on by default, for each conversation separately.

You can also keep your own list of Censored words in Chat Details. You see those words in incoming messages as asterisks, on your own phone only.

Yes, if you want to. Press and hold the filtered message and choose See unfiltered message. You then see exactly what the other parent wrote.

With a reply through BeNice Solo that choice is called See original message. So what you read is up to you.

For day-to-day contact, the version you get; that is what the filter is for. If it is about an arrangement, an amount, or something you need to be able to show later, the original message is what counts: that is what the other parent wrote.

You read the original by pressing and holding the message and choosing See unfiltered message. Handier still is to put arrangements straight into the calendar or the parenting plan, so you don't have to dig them out of a conversation.

Yes. You switch the filter on or off per conversation in Chat Details, under AI message filter. It only concerns what you receive; the other parent notices nothing of it.

• The other parent doesn't see whether your filter is on or off, and you don't see that of the other parent.
• If your filter is off and a message comes in that could have been filtered, BeNice asks at most once a week whether you want to switch the filter back on. You can switch that off too.

Let us know from the message itself: press and hold the message and choose Report Response. You can do the same with a Feedback Coach suggestion.

If you send a report, a member of our team in the Netherlands can look at that one message, together with the few messages before it. Your name and account details aren't shared. We use reports to make the Feedback Coach and the filter better.

The BeNice Coach is a personal coach in BeNice, just for you. It is there for everything a separation brings with it: the children, the back and forth between two homes, a blended family, parallel parenting, or arranging it all on your own.

You can get off your chest what's bothering you, prepare for a difficult conversation or write a calm reply together. The coach works with the help of AI, and the other parent sees nothing of it.

• You'll find the coach at the top of your chat list, and through the coach icon next to the message field. There you can choose, for example, Improve what I've written, Help me reply or Why is this so tense?.
• Press and hold a message from the other parent and choose Discuss with coach to look at it together.
• To help you better, the coach can see the upcoming appointments in your calendar, who has the children today, and your latest messages with the other parent.
• You can have several conversations side by side, and choose under Coach language which language the coach answers in.

The BeNice Coach is part of the subscription and also works during the free trial.

No. Your conversations with the BeNice Coach are yours alone. The other parent doesn’t see them, and can’t see whether you use the coach.

The same goes for what the coach remembers about your situation: it’s stored with your account and only you can see it.

Yes. Paste or describe the message in a conversation with the BeNice Coach and prepare a reply together. You can then send that reply wherever you like, including outside BeNice.

So the coach is useful even if the other parent isn’t on BeNice (yet).

Yes, where that helps you. The coach remembers a number of facts about your situation, such as how old the children are, so you don’t have to explain everything again each time.

You can see what the coach remembers under Coach memories. There you can add something, change it, or have the coach forget it.

No. The BeNice Coach doesn’t give legal, medical or psychological advice and isn’t a mediator or therapist. For those kinds of questions, the coach refers you to a professional.

The coach helps you with what’s happening now: sorting out your thoughts, understanding why a conversation is rubbing, and writing a message that comes across the way you mean it.

BeNice shows you where you can get help right away. With the app in English, that’s Find a Helpline (findahelpline.com), which lists helplines in your country, and the 988 Lifeline for the United States. In the Netherlands you can call 113 or 0800-0113 for free, in Belgium 1813 (Dutch) or 0800 32 123 (French), and in France 3114.

• This applies to both the BeNice Coach and the chat.
• A chat message in which you write that you want to hurt yourself isn’t sent to the other parent.
• BeNice is not an emergency service. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 112 or your local emergency number.

You pick one of the set schedules and then adjust it until it is right for you. BeNice asks about it when you start, but you can also do it later from the calendar.

You begin with one of these schedules:

• week on, week off
• 2-2-3
• 5-2
• 2-2-5-5
• every other weekend
• a schedule of your own, if none of these fit

After that you set where the children sleep, which days the handover falls on and at what time. Every day takes the colour of the parent the children are with, and a day with a handover is split into two colours. If the children don't all follow the same rhythm, each child can have a schedule of their own.

Is there a fixed part of a day as well, for example every other Wednesday afternoon with the other parent? Then you add it right away.

Not sure yet which schedule suits you? Custody schedules explained sets out what each one means for your child.

Yes. Besides the set schedules you can make one yourself: you choose over how many weeks your rhythm repeats and set out, per day, where the children sleep.

• If your rhythm runs over two, three or four weeks, you set that cycle and fill in the days.
• If the children always sleep in the same house and the two of you move instead (birdnesting), the schedule records which parent is with the children on which day.
• If it differs for a few weeks, because of work or a holiday, you leave the schedule as it is and ask for a swap for those days.

In BeNice, swapping whole nights is a night swap, and swapping a few hours on one day is a day swap.

Both of you, but a change only takes effect once the other parent agrees. If you only change the times of the handovers, that takes effect straight away and the rest stays as agreed.

If you use BeNice on your own, a change takes effect straight away. Note: if you redivide the days, the swaps already arranged from that date lapse.

Yes, that is called a part of day: a fixed part of a day when the children are with the other parent rather than the one they sleep with, for example every other Wednesday afternoon. It belongs to the custody schedule and repeats by itself.

• For each part of day you set who drops off and who picks up.
• If you want to differ once, you ask for that with a request: skip this time, or different hours this time.
• A part of day never falls on a day with a handover, and doesn't run past midnight.

Tap the plus button in the calendar or tap a day, and fill in the appointment. Both parents see it in the shared calendar.

With an appointment you can set:

• a title, all day or a start and end time
• whether and how often the appointment repeats
• which children it concerns and which parent is responsible
• a location and a description
• reminders

You can view the calendar by month, week, three days or day, or as a list of what's coming up.

An appointment in the shared calendar can be changed or deleted by either of you. You don't need the other's agreement for that.

The custody schedule is different: a change to it only takes effect once the other parent agrees. That way nobody changes on their own where the children are.

Not the ones from your own phone calendar. You can show them inside BeNice, but they stay on your phone and the other parent never sees them. You choose which of your phone's calendars you want to see in BeNice.

Appointments you make in BeNice itself belong to the shared calendar. With Visible only to participants, BeNice shows an appointment only to the people you add to it. That keeps the overview calm.

Yes, all at once. You pick your region and the school holidays go into the calendar, along with the public holidays.

• Netherlands: regions north, middle and south.
• Belgium: Flanders, and Wallonia-Brussels.
• France: zones A, B and C, and Corsica.

The region applies to the whole family circle, so you both have the same dates. BeNice only puts holidays in the calendar that are still to come, as far as they are known: usually a few school years ahead. For each holiday you can set where the children are, for example in alternate years, and that choice is ready the next time.

For other countries there are no school holidays in BeNice yet.

With special dates. That is a day or a period you want to arrange separately: a birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas or a holiday. You set where the children would preferably be, the preferred parent, or that you alternate each year. That preference may differ from the custody schedule; you then arrange it together. A special date can come back every year.

• The colour shows how things stand. Red: nothing arranged yet. Orange: something is waiting, on you or on the other parent. Green: it is settled.
• You can keep the schedule as it is (Keep current schedule), let the other know it's fine by you (OK for me), or make a swap request.
• If a special date isn't arranged 30 days beforehand, you get a reminder.

Yes. Under Profile, Settings, Calendar in Google or Apple you create a link your own calendar app, such as Google Calendar, Apple Calendar or Outlook, can follow.

• You see the handovers, the appointments, the special dates and the open swap requests.
• The link is read-only. You make changes in BeNice, so a swap always goes past the other parent.
• Updating happens by itself, but not instantly: the first time often takes a few hours, and a later change does too.
• An appointment that is visible only to participants shows up only if you are one of them.
• Anyone with the link can read your calendar. So don't share it. You can always switch it off or replace it with a new one.

Yes. Choose Print calendar in the menu, pick a week or a month and whether to include the children. You get a PDF to print or share.

For children that is often the handiest: they can see for themselves where they are and when, without a phone and without an account.

There does have to be a custody schedule in the calendar.

Yes. For a handover you get a reminder by default the evening before at 21:00, and you choose whether you want it for the drop-off, the pick-up or both. You set it per family circle.

• Open requests: a reminder a day after the request was sent, and a week before the date it is about.
• Special dates: a reminder if a date isn't arranged 30 days beforehand.
• Appointments: no reminder, unless you add one yourself.

If BeNice's notifications are off, you won't get reminders either.

With a swap request. In the calendar you pick the day or the period, choose the type of request and add why, if you want. The other parent gets a notification and can accept or decline it.

• The request shows what changes compared with the schedule.
• If the other parent accepts, the calendar adjusts itself for both of you.
• You find all your requests under Swap requests in the menu.

If you use BeNice on your own, you record a swap yourself with Solo Accept.

There are four, each for a different kind of departure from the schedule:

• Day swap: part of a day, without an overnight stay. It can also come back weekly or monthly.
• Night swap: one or more nights.
• Change a handover: a different time or place for one handover.
• Change the custody schedule: adjusting the set schedule for good.

If you have parts of a day in your schedule, you can also differ from one of those once: skip this time, or different hours this time.

If the other parent accepts, the calendar adjusts itself for both of you. If they decline, the schedule stays as it was. Either way you get a notification.

• When accepting and when declining, the other parent can add a note.
• If they change the request, it is your turn to respond.
• The history of every request is kept: who proposed what, and when.

Yes. As long as the other parent hasn't responded, you can change or cancel your request.

• An accepted request you change or undo with a new proposal, which the other parent accepts again.
• A declined or cancelled request can be restored.

The last accepted night swap wins. If you accept a night swap, earlier accepted night swaps and changed handovers on the same days lapse. Before you accept, BeNice shows you which arrangements will lapse.

• A day swap never lapses and never makes anything lapse, not even with a swap over a longer period such as a holiday. Note: a fixed part of a day also stays in place, for example the Wednesday afternoon during the summer holidays. If that doesn't fit, skip it that time.
• Changing a handover isn't possible on a day that already carries a night swap or a changed handover. You adjust that arrangement instead.
• A request that is still open never lapses by itself.

If something lapses, it stays visible with the reason, and the other parent gets a notification about it.

Yes. If the other parent doesn't take part, you record an arrangement yourself with Solo Accept, with a note if you like. That way a swap you agreed outside BeNice is still in your calendar.

A change to the custody schedule also takes effect straight away when you're on your own.

Expenses keeps track of the costs of the children and works out, according to your split, whether anything is still to be paid, and by whom. You both see the same expenses and the same balance.

• For an expense you fill in the amount, the date, the category, the title and who paid. You can add a note, the children and a photo of the receipt.
• It's quicker with a photo of the receipt: BeNice reads the receipt and fills in the fields for you.
• There are twelve categories, such as school and childcare, health, clothing and sport, and you can make your own.
• You choose the currency: euro, dollar, British pound, Swiss franc, or the Norwegian, Swedish or Danish krone.
• If someone changes an expense, the older version stays visible in the history.
• Want to discuss an expense? Choose Discuss in chat. The expense then appears as a card in your conversation.

Yes. Under Who pays which share you choose your own split in percentages, for example 60/40.

• Per category you can set a different split, for example for school.
• For a single expense you can choose a different split, in percentages or as an exact amount.

Yes. Take a photo of the receipt and choose Fill in with AI. BeNice then reads the amount, the date, the description and the category from the photo. Do look the fields over before you save.

Prefer to fill it in yourself? That works too; the photo stays with the expense as the receipt. Reading receipts works during the free trial and with a subscription.

With a settlement you close a period: the open expenses are added up and one parent pays the balance to the other. When you settle up is up to you, for example every month.

1. One of you proposes the settlement.
2. The other accepts, or changes something first. Then it's back to the first one.
3. The parent who owes transfers the amount themselves and taps I have paid. You can add proof of payment.
4. The other parent taps I have received it. The period is then settled and a new one starts.

Then you object. Open the expense, tap Object and write why. The parent who entered it gets a notification.

• While the objection stands, the expense doesn't count towards the balance.
• The parent who entered it can accept the objection, so the expense stays out of the balance, or propose an adjusted version.
• You can also withdraw your objection.

No. BeNice works out who owes what, but doesn't move any money itself and has no link to your bank. You make the transfer yourself, and then record in BeNice that you have paid.

Child maintenance or a fixed monthly contribution isn't tracked separately in Expenses. It is meant for the shared costs of the children.

Yes, as a PDF. In Expenses, tap the share icon, choose the period (week, month, quarter, year or one you pick) and, if you want, a child, a category or which expenses to include.

The PDF shows your split, a summary per category, per child and per parent, all the expenses and the earlier settlements. Handy if you want to go through the costs with a mediator.

Yes. You then use Expenses as your own records: you put all the costs in, including what the other parent paid. Settling up is only possible once you both use it.

If the other parent joins later, they get an overview, Expenses so far. They can mark it all as read, or object to a single expense.

Yes, with a reminder. With an expense you set that you want a reminder every month, every quarter or every year. On that day you add the same expense again with one tap.

BeNice never puts an expense in Expenses by itself. You stay in control of what goes in.

In the Photo Diary. You make an album with a title, a date, a place, the children who were there, a description and the photos. You both see every album, and the other parent gets a notification when there is a new one.

• You can both comment on an album or a photo.
• A photo can be saved to your own phone.
• Only whoever made an album can change it or add photos to it. A photo can only be removed by the person who put it there.

No. Deleting is final: there is no bin. That's why BeNice asks first whether you are sure.

If you want to keep a photo yourself, save it to your phone before you remove it. The same goes for a file in Shared Info.

Every family circle has 2 GB of storage. You share that space for the photos in the Photo Diary, the receipts in Expenses, the files in Shared Info and the photos in the chat.

Photos in the Photo Diary are made smaller when they are uploaded, so they take up less space.

Everything about the children you both want to have at hand. You find it under the Info tab.

• Address book: school, GP, sports club, babysitter, with phone number, email and address. A contact can be marked as an emergency contact.
• Per child: blood group, diet, vaccinations, allergies, medicines, bedtimes, height and weight, clothing and shoe size, school and class.
• Files: documents the two of you need to be able to find.
• Categories: Health, Schools, Sport & hobbies and General. You can make your own categories and subcategories.

For every item you decide who may see it.

Yes, under Health. There you record, per child, the blood group, the diet, vaccinations, allergies and medicines. The GP, dentist or specialist goes in the address book, with an emergency contact.

That way the parent the child is with has everything at hand, even when the two of you aren't speaking much. For each item you choose who may see it, and your data sits on servers in Europe.

Per child in Shared Info, next to height and weight. That saves trouble when you buy clothes or a present while the child is with the other parent.

If you change a size, the other parent sees the new one straight away.

Yes. Under Files in Shared Info you put PDFs, photos and other documents, for example an insurance card, a school report or your parenting plan.

Sensitive details can be given extra protection. They then only open after Face ID, your fingerprint or your phone's passcode (Protected by device security).

Yes. For every item, contact or file you choose with Choose who can see this who may see it.

• A new item is visible to you and to the parents of the children you link it to.
• A new file is visible to the family circle, unless you change that.

Yes, with the Parenting Plan Assistant in your chat list. You answer the questions in a chat, at your own moment and your own pace, and out of that comes a draft parenting plan.

• If you can't go on for a while, you pick up later where you were.
• If you don't understand a question, you ask for an explanation or an example.
• You can export the plan as a formal document to sign, or as Talking points: a summary to go through together or with a mediator.

The assistant is part of the subscription and works during the free trial too. You can read more on our page about the parenting plan.

You each fill in your own answers, but what you see of each other depends on how you go about it.

• If you make the plan yourself with the Parenting Plan Assistant, it is yours alone. The other parent doesn't see your answers. If you want to discuss it, share the PDF.
• If you work with a mediator on one joint plan, you see each other's answers and can respond to them. The mediator shares the final plan with you.

Yes. A parenting plan isn't an end point: children get older and arrangements move with them.

• If you make the plan yourself, you adjust your answers whenever you want and make a new version.
• If you work with a mediator, you can't change anything once you have submitted. The professional reopens the plan, and then you submit again.
• A plan the two of you have already signed doesn't change because you adjust something in BeNice. For that you need each other, and sometimes a mediator or a court.

No, not by itself. What the assistant makes is a draft and not legal advice. Have it checked by a mediator, a lawyer or another professional before you use it as your official plan.

The assistant is available in Dutch, French and English, but doesn't take account of the rules of any particular country.

Yes, if you want that. You invite a professional from your family circle: a mediator, a care professional, a coach or a lawyer. They need an account of their own for professionals.

• If you are both in the app, you both have to agree. If you use it alone, your consent is enough.
• Only one professional at a time can be linked to a family circle.
• You can unlink the professional together later.
• An invitation for a professional is valid for 90 days.

In the portal the professional sees your names and email addresses. Beyond that, each parent decides what they share, with four settings that are on by default:

• statistics about the chat, such as the number of messages and how often the Feedback Coach made a suggestion
• activity in the app
• statistics about Expenses
• the content of the chat, through Share chat content with professional

You find those settings with your family circle. A linked professional is part of your family circle, so only link someone you both trust. What the professional can do with the content of the chat is under does our mediator read our messages.

Only if you both leave that switched on. Your family circle has Share chat content with professional; if one of you switches it off, the professional can no longer take the conversation.

• The professional doesn't read along in the app, but can take the conversation as a whole out of BeNice for Professionals.
• BeNice records every time that happens: who did it, when, and how many messages it covered.
• Statistics, such as how many messages there are, are separate from the content. You share those separately.

Yes, and you do that together. One of you asks for it, the other agrees, and then the professional is unlinked straight away. If the other parent has no account yet, you can do it on your own.

• The professional and the organisation lose their access immediately, including to the chat history.
• You get all the parts of the app back and choose together again how messages are checked.
• What only the professional could see, such as notes and drafts of the parenting plan, is kept unreadable for another 90 days and then deleted. Your own parenting plan and answers stay.
• If the organisation pays for your family circle, you can't unlink right now. That becomes possible once the professional ends the support.

Then that professional supports you through BeNice, and their organisation arranges the access. In the app you see Managed by a professional.

• The professional can switch off parts that don't fit right now, such as the chat, the BeNice Coach, the Photo Diary, Expenses or the parenting plan. Any linked professional can do that, also when the family circle wasn't created by an organisation.
• The professional can lock the chat on Focused on the children.
• If the professional is working on a parenting plan with you, each of you fills in your own answers, and the professional shares the final plan with you as a PDF.

Blended Mediation means that a mediator or care professional holds the conversations, and that BeNice is there for everything in between. The arrangements, the messages and the planning are in one place, so at the table the professional knows how things really go between two sessions.

It isn't a separate feature in the app but a way of working. BeNice was built for it, together with mediators and youth care professionals.

Professionals, such as mediators and family support workers, work in their own web portal at pro.benice.family. There you create family circles for the families you support, choose per family which parts are switched on, and, with the parents' consent, see statistics. You keep notes, and colleagues work together within one organisation.

You start with a free account. Once we have approved your organisation you can use the portal, and parents you invite through it get a month of free access. For more family circles or more options there are paid packages. Read more on the page for professionals.

That can mean three things, and on all three the answer is concrete.

• Safely stored. Your data sits in Europe, encrypted in transit and encrypted at rest. Only a small number of staff have technical access, bound by confidentiality and signing in with two-step verification. Nobody at BeNice reads your conversations, and they aren't used to train AI.
• Safe for you. The other parent doesn't see where you are, what you discuss with the BeNice Coach, or when you read something. Threats, intimidation and plain insults never arrive, and if things get heated the chat pauses by itself.
• What it isn't. BeNice is not end-to-end encrypted, and it isn't an emergency service. If there is danger, call 112 or contact the authorities where you live.

Yes. We process only what is needed to make BeNice work, and your data sits in the European Union. What we collect, what for, how long we keep it and which services we work with is in our privacy policy.

• Statistics and error reports are only switched on if you give consent.
• You can request a copy of your data and delete your account.
• Your conversations aren't used to train AI models, not by the AI supplier either.

Do you work at a municipality or an organisation and need a data processing agreement? Email support@benice.family.

No. BeNice never asks for your location and doesn't use it. The app doesn't know where you are, so the other parent doesn't either.

• Photos you share go out without their hidden details, so without the place where they were taken.
• An address or a place is only in the calendar if one of you puts it there, for example with a handover.

Only if the law obliges us, for example on an order from the police or a prosecutor. We then never give more than is needed, and we tell you, unless the law forbids it, for example during a criminal investigation.

Do you need your messages yourself for a procedure? Then you don't have to wait for that: you export them yourself.

Your messages, the children’s details, photos, receipts and everything the AI in BeNice processes are stored in the European Union. The servers and the AI run in European data centres.

A few services are global by nature, and we’re upfront about them: signing in, delivering push notifications, handling subscriptions through Apple, Google and RevenueCat, and, only if you consent, app statistics and error reports. Read more in our privacy policy (in Dutch).

No. BeNice doesn’t train AI models on your conversations, photos or financial details, and doesn’t analyse them across families.

The AI in BeNice is Google’s Gemini, through Vertex AI in the EU. On that service, Google doesn’t use customer data to train its models. That’s set out in Google Cloud’s terms (Training Restriction).

You do. Your messages, photos, documents and your children's details stay yours.

• We may analyse them as far as that is needed to make the app work and improve it, and wherever possible without them being traceable to you.
• We don't use them commercially without your explicit consent, and we never sell them.
• The app itself, the software and everything around it, is ours. You get the right to use it.

No. Nobody at BeNice reads your conversations. The AI looks at a message so the Feedback Coach and the filter can work, but no person reads along.

• If you report something yourself: when you use Report Response on a message, a team member in the Netherlands may look at that message and the few messages before it, without your name or account details.
• If you link a professional: they can see the chat, as long as you both allow it.
• Technical administration: a small number of authorised staff members have technical access to our systems, to fix outages and keep the service secure. They are bound by confidentiality, sign in with two-step verification and do not read your messages.

No, like most apps where you keep and search your messages. Your data is encrypted in transit and encrypted when stored on our servers, and access is restricted.

End-to-end would mean your messages could only be read on your own phone. We then couldn’t restore them if you lost your phone, and the Feedback Coach and the BeNice Coach couldn’t help you anymore.

The AI reads a message at the moment it’s needed: so the Feedback Coach can make a suggestion, the filter can create a neutral version, CheckPoint can recognise questions, a receipt can be read, or the BeNice Coach can reply.

• This happens through Google’s Gemini, in the EU.
• The text sent for checking is deleted once it’s been processed. What you send then simply stays in your chat.
• The BeNice Coach also uses the upcoming appointments, today’s schedule, your latest messages with the other parent and what it remembers about your situation. You manage the latter yourself under Coach memories.

Only if you agree. Under Profile, Settings, Privacy & Data Settings you choose whether BeNice may collect app statistics and error reports, and whether marketing measurement is allowed.

• Without your consent, no app statistics are collected.
• If you allow app improvements, we can see how you navigate through the app, for example whether you quickly find what you are looking for. Texts and photos are always made unreadable in those recordings, and we keep them for 30 days.
• Error reports have a switch of their own, which stays off until you say yes.

Yes. Switch on App lock under Profile, Settings. BeNice then locks as soon as you leave the app, and opens again with Face ID, your fingerprint or your phone’s passcode.

You switch the app lock on per phone or tablet, and it only works if your phone itself has a lock set up.

Yes. Email privacy@benice.family and we’ll send you your data. There isn’t a button for this in the app yet.

If you only want your conversation, you can get it yourself with Export chat in Chat Details. Expenses can be exported as a PDF.

First check how you originally created your account: with Google, with Apple, or with an email address and a password. Those are three different doors, even when the email address is the same.

• Forgotten your password? Tap Forgot password? on the sign-in screen and follow the link in the email.
• Did you start with Google or Apple? Then sign in that way too. Want your email address as well, set a password under Profile, Settings with Set password.
• Apple and a hidden email address: if you chose "Hide my email" with Apple, BeNice knows a forwarding address from Apple and not your own.

If it still doesn't work, email support@benice.family.

Go to Profile, Settings, Change email address, confirm your password and fill in your new address. You get an email at the new address; open the link in it in the app. From then on you sign in with the new address.

This only works if you sign in with an email address and a password. An address from Google or Apple you manage at Google or Apple.

Notifications about new messages, swap requests, expenses, photos, invitations and special dates that still need arranging. On top of that the reminders: the evening before a handover, and for a request that is still open.

You can switch off each kind separately, and you decide whether the text of a message is readable in the notification. How you do that is under how do I set my notifications.

Under Profile, Settings, Notifications.

• Allow notifications: the main switch. With it off, nothing comes through, not even reminders.
• Per kind: switch each kind of notification on or off, and choose whether the text of a message shows in the notification.
• Quiet hours: hold notifications back during hours you choose, and get one summary of them afterwards.
• Per conversation: switch Chat notifications off in Chat Details for that one conversation.

If nothing comes in while everything is switched on, check the notification settings on your phone as well.

That depends on the kind of email.

• The newsletter you switch off under Profile, Settings, Newsletter. There is also an unsubscribe link at the bottom of every newsletter.
• Emails about your account and your family circle, such as an invitation or the message that the other parent has joined, belong to the service. Those keep coming as long as you have an account.
• Messages from the other parent arrive as a notification on your phone, not by email. You switch those off under your notifications.
• Is the other parent emailing you through BeNice Solo and would you rather they didn't? Reply with "stop".

If you want no mail from us at all, you can delete your account.

Then the version of BeNice on your phone is no longer supported. Tap the button on that screen and update BeNice through the App Store or Google Play. After that you can carry on where you were.

If updating doesn't work, because your phone is too old for example, email us at support@benice.family.

Let us know at support@benice.family. Add what you were doing and what happened, then we can fix it faster.

We keep BeNice up day and night and pick up an outage as quickly as we can, including one at a service we depend on. Maintenance we plan for moments when you notice it least.

Go to Profile, Settings, Delete account and follow the steps. Your account is deleted for good after 14 days; until then you can change your mind.

• You get an email as soon as the 14 days start, and a reminder shortly before the end.
• If you change your mind, tap Cancel deletion under Profile, Settings. Simply signing in again isn't enough.
• After 14 days it is final and can't be undone.
• Your subscription doesn't stop by itself. Cancel it separately in the App Store or Google Play.

What you shared in the family circle stays there for the other parent, such as your chat, the calendar and Expenses. Your name and personal details are removed from it.

What is yours alone is deleted: your account, your conversations with the BeNice Coach, your Solo conversations, your Parenting Plan Assistant, your profile picture and your own appointments. A family circle only disappears if you are the last parent in it and no professional is involved.

It can, but only with good reason: if you act against the law or against the terms, if you don't pay, or if you use BeNice for something it is clearly not meant for.

We tell you why. If you disagree, email support@benice.family; we'll look at it again.

Yes. We work on BeNice continuously and can add, change or remove features. If something changes about your rights or about what you pay, we let you know by email beforehand.

We may adjust the terms; the latest version always applies. If something changes about your rights or about what you pay, we let you know by email beforehand.

At the top of the terms you see which version applies and from when, with a link to the previous one.

Email support@benice.family. We respond within a month.

If your complaint is about your privacy and we don't work it out together, you can go to the Dutch Data Protection Authority, or to the privacy regulator in the country where you live.

If we don't work out another kind of complaint, you can go to court. Dutch law applies to our terms, and that means the court in The Hague. If we start the case, you may choose the court that has jurisdiction by law within a month; usually that is the court where you live.

Email support@benice.family or use the contact form. In BeNice you can also use Send feedback in your chat overview.

If it's about a problem, add:

• the email address you signed up with
• which phone you use, and which version of BeNice (it's at the very bottom under Profile)
• what you were doing and what happened

Missing something? Let us know; we read every suggestion.