Custody schedule after a separation: what fits your family?

A lot changes after a separation. Not only for parents, but above all for children. Where do I sleep tonight? When am I back at dad’s? When do I go to mum’s? And where do I celebrate my birthday, or the Christmas holidays?

A clear custody schedule can bring a lot of calm.

A custody schedule sets out which days a child is with which parent. That could be week on, week off, a 2-2-3 pattern, or living mainly with one parent and spending fixed days with the other.

There is no single schedule that works best for every family. Age, school, work, the distance between the two homes and above all what a child needs all play a part.

This page sets out the most common custody schedules, and what each one means in practice.

And whichever schedule you choose: with BeNice you can put your custody schedule in a shared calendar, so both parents can see where the children are and when.

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A child of separated parents goes from mum to dad. Mum watches from the doorway as the child walks away. The child heads off happily to the other parent, wearing a backpack.

Custody schedule, and the Dutch and Belgian words you will come across

If you are divorced or separated in the Netherlands or Belgium, two Dutch words will keep turning up: zorgregeling and omgangsregeling. They both describe when the children are with which parent, but they are not the same thing, and it helps to know which one applies to you.

The difference is about parental authority (in Dutch: gezag). That is the right to make decisions about your child’s upbringing, school and health.

Zorgregeling – you both have parental authority, which is usually the case after a separation. You share the care of the children, even when they live mainly with one parent and spend, say, every other weekend with the other.
Omgangsregeling – one parent does not have parental authority. The children live with the parent who does, and there are agreements about when they see the other parent.

In everyday speech the two words get mixed up, which causes confusion. In Belgium you will also hear verblijfsregeling, and recht op persoonlijk contact for the right to contact.

These agreements are usually written down in the parenting plan, the document in which you both set out how you will handle parenting after the separation.

A zorgregeling usually covers:

which parent the children are with, and when;
how you divide the school holidays and public holidays;
who drops off and who picks up;
what happens when one of you wants to swap a day;
how you keep each other informed about school, health and other important things.

The zorgregeling is the agreement. The custody schedule is what that agreement looks like from week to week.

What is a custody schedule?

A custody schedule is the practical side of the arrangement. It answers questions like:

Which days are the children with which parent?
When does the handover happen?
Who drops off, who picks up?
How do we divide the weekends?
What do we do during the school holidays?
How do we divide public holidays and special days?
What happens when one of us wants to swap a day?

Above all, a good schedule brings predictability.

Fewer things to sort out, fewer misunderstandings, and one clear rhythm everyone can fall back on.

Which custody schedules are there?

There are all kinds of ways to divide the care of the children after a separation. Four come up regularly.

Alternating weeks

With a week on, week off schedule the children spend one week with one parent and the next week with the other.

For example:

Week 1: Monday to Sunday with parent A
Week 2: Monday to Sunday with parent B

Then the schedule starts again.

The advantage of this arrangement is its simplicity. There are fewer handovers than with most other schedules, and both parents have longer unbroken stretches with the children.

For some children, seven days without the other parent feels long. That is why some families agree on a moment with the other parent in between, such as a shared meal.

Watch out: odd and even weeks

Parents who alternate weeks sometimes think in terms of odd and even weeks. "The children are with me in the even weeks" is easy to remember, and you never have to think about it again.

There is a catch, though.

Most years have 52 weeks, but every so often there are 53. 2026 is one of those years. Week 53 runs from Monday 28 December 2026 to Sunday 3 January 2027, and that is an odd week. Week 1 of 2027 is odd as well.

So that makes two odd weeks in a row. If you alternate strictly odd and even, you will find that the parent with the odd weeks is up twice in a row.

That is not a problem, as long as you know in advance. Agree together how you divide those weeks around New Year, rather than discovering it in December, right in the middle of the holidays. After 2026, by the way, this does not happen again until 2032.

What that extra week means for your own arrangement, and why it changes nothing for one family and a great deal for another, is on our page about week 53 in 2026.

The 2-2-3 schedule

A 2-2-3 schedule divides the days into shorter blocks.

For example:

Week 1:

Monday and Tuesday with parent A
Wednesday and Thursday with parent B
Friday, Saturday and Sunday with parent A

Week 2:

Monday and Tuesday with parent B
Wednesday and Thursday with parent A
Friday, Saturday and Sunday with parent B

That way the weekends alternate by themselves.

The advantage of this schedule is that children see both parents regularly. The trade-off is that there are relatively many handovers, which asks more of you practically.

The 2-2-5-5 schedule

Another option is the 2-2-5-5 schedule.

Both parents have a number of fixed days in the week.

For example:

Monday and Tuesday: always with parent A
Wednesday and Thursday: always with parent B
Friday to Sunday: alternating between parent A and parent B

That creates alternating stretches of two and five days. You only see those five if you look beyond a single week. The weekend with parent A runs on into their fixed Monday and Tuesday the week after: from Friday to Tuesday the child is with the same parent, five days in a row. A week later the same happens with parent B, who then has Wednesday to Sunday.

The advantage is how recognisable it is. A child knows that Monday and Tuesday always belong to the same parent. A fixed rhythm like that can also be helpful for school, sport, childcare and work.

Living mainly with one parent, with weekends at the other

Not every family chooses a roughly equal split of the days.

A child can also live mainly with one parent and spend, for example, every other weekend with the other. Sometimes a fixed afternoon, evening or overnight stay during the week is added.

For example:

During the week: mainly with parent A
Every other weekend: Friday after school to Sunday evening with parent B
Optionally: every Wednesday afternoon or evening with parent B

An arrangement like this can be practical when parents live further apart, when working hours differ a lot, or when a child benefits from one clear base during the school week.

The schedules at a glance

Schedule	Division	Character
Alternating weeks	7 days with each parent	Simple, with few handovers
2-2-3	Blocks of 2, 2 and 3 days	Plenty of contact with both parents, but plenty of handovers too
2-2-5-5	Fixed weekdays and alternating weekends	A lot of regularity and longer stretches with each parent
Every other weekend	Living mainly with one parent, fixed times with the other	A clear home base and fewer handovers

These are examples. An arrangement does not have to fit one of these models exactly.

Some families go for a 60/40 or 70/30 split. Others build a schedule of their own because of shift work or irregular hours.

What matters most is that the arrangement is workable and fits your children and your situation.

In BeNice you start with the schedule that comes closest and then adjust it until it is right: where the children sleep, which days have a handover and at what time. If no model fits, you build your own.

If your children do not all follow the same rhythm, each child can have their own schedule. And a fixed afternoon or evening with the other parent, every other Wednesday afternoon for instance, you add separately.

Which schedule suits your child’s age?

Age can play a part in choosing an arrangement, but it is not the only thing that counts. The bond with each parent, the child’s character, school, travel time, brothers and sisters and how things were before the separation can all matter.

Young children

For young children, regular contact with both parents can be important. Long stretches without one of their parents can be hard for some of them.

Shorter stretches can therefore be a good fit, as long as all those handovers do not create too much unrest themselves.

With young children in particular, familiar routines matter: the same cuddly toy, a similar bedtime ritual, and clarity about who drops off and who picks up.

Children at primary school

With school-age children, more structure usually appears by itself.

School days, sports training, swimming lessons, play dates and after-school care shape a large part of the week. A fixed schedule can bring a lot of clarity.

A 2-2-5-5 split or alternating weeks could be worth considering, depending on the child and the practical situation.

It helps when children can see it for themselves:

Today I am here. Tomorrow I go there. And this weekend I am with dad or mum.

Teenagers

With teenagers it is not only their parents’ schedule that matters, but their own as well.

School, friends, sport, parties and perhaps a part-time job become more and more important.

That can call for more flexibility.

Listening to what a teenager prefers is important. At the same time, a child should not become the one who has to decide how the care between their parents is divided.

A good handover day prevents needless tension

The way a handover goes can make a lot of difference.

Some parents therefore deliberately use school or childcare as the moment of handover.

One parent drops the child off in the morning and the other picks them up in the afternoon. There is no handover at the front door, and the child’s day simply carries on.

It can also help to keep certain things at both addresses. Think of clothes, toothbrushes, pyjamas and everyday toiletries.

That means less carrying back and forth, and less chance of something being forgotten.

Keep the practical talk away from the handover

A handover is usually not the best moment to quickly raise all sorts of things.

"Can you do next Tuesday?"
"You were late last time, by the way."
"I sent you a message about the holidays."

To parents these may be practical questions, but to a child they can feel like tension between mum and dad.

Try to do the practical side at another moment.

A co-parenting app such as BeNice can help with that. Agreements, changes, costs and practical messages are all in one place, and do not have to be discussed during the handover.

Much calmer for the child.

Holidays and special days: when the usual schedule does not apply

A custody schedule often works fine until the first school holiday comes along.

Because what happens to your usual week on, week off schedule during the summer holidays? And who are the children with at Christmas? Sinterklaas? New Year’s Eve? Birthdays? Mother’s Day or Father’s Day?

It helps to agree on this in advance. Think of:

how you divide the school holidays;
the summer weeks;
Christmas;
New Year;
Easter and Whitsun;
the children’s birthdays;
the parents’ birthdays;
Father’s Day and Mother’s Day;
other days that matter to your family.

Holidays and special days in BeNice

In BeNice you simply choose the country you live in and your region, and the school holidays are added to the shared calendar in one go, with the public holidays alongside them. For the Netherlands you choose the north, middle or south region; for Belgium Flanders or Wallonia-Brussels; for France zone A, B, C or Corsica.

You can also set up the days that matter to you. These are the special dates: a birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas Eve. For each one you record which parent you would prefer the children to be with, the preferred parent. Often that is already agreed in your parenting plan, for example that they are with their father on Father’s Day. In BeNice you settle this together easily, and once agreed, it goes straight into the shared calendar.

That preference is not the same as the regular schedule, and the two do not always match. Say Father’s Day falls in the mother’s week: the schedule puts the children with her, while the agreement says they are preferably with their father. That is something to settle together, with a short message and a swap.

You can also set a day to take turns, with Christmas Day at their father’s this year and their mother’s the next. And you can make it recur every year, so you do not have to discuss it again each time.

You can see at a glance where things stand with the special dates. Red means you still have to start planning. Orange means something needs doing: either you have a request to accept or decline, or you are waiting for the other parent. Green means it is agreed and planned.

That way you see the regular custody schedule, the holidays and the special days in one place. And you see well in advance where a holiday differs from the usual rhythm, so you can sort it out together in good time.

A custody schedule changes along the way

An arrangement that worked perfectly when a child was five is not automatically still the best answer when that child is eleven or fifteen.

Children grow up.

School changes. Sport changes. Working hours change. One of the parents may move. A child gets their own phone, starts going to school on their own, or takes a part-time job.

So do not treat a custody schedule as something settled once after the separation and never to be touched again.

It can be wise to look at it together now and then:

Is this schedule still working for our child?

From a broad schedule in a document to a detailed calendar

In everyday life, what you mostly want to see at a glance is:

Where are the children today?
Who are they with next weekend?
How does the May holiday fall?
Who has the children at Christmas?
And what did we agree again about that training day?

That is why you can put your custody schedule into a shared calendar in BeNice.

The days with each parent are shown clearly, so you can see at a glance how the care is divided.

You can then add holidays, appointments and special days to it.

That turns an agreement from a parenting plan into a practical schedule you use every day.

Bonus: you can also print the planning for the fridge door. That way the children can see how it looks too.

More than a calendar

After a separation, the practical side is of course about more than deciding where the children sleep.

There are school arrangements. Sport. A doctor’s appointment. Costs to be shared. A change to the weekend. A receipt still to be settled. And through all of it, parents have to keep talking to each other.

BeNice brings those practical things together.

Among other things, you can:

keep your custody schedule up to date;
put appointments in the shared calendar;
add the school holidays;
record special days;
exchange practical messages;
get help with putting a message kindly;
track the children’s expenses and receipts.

So there is less to remember, less to look up and less to message back and forth.

Not together any more. Still parents together.

A custody schedule is not only about dividing up the days. It is about your child’s daily life between two homes.

The clearer and more predictable that is, the less noise and hassle there has to be.

BeNice helps separated parents keep that side of things clear, practical and as calm as possible.

You’re not alone

Why other parents choose BeNice

"Really lovely app, definitely recommended!"
Minouschka, via Google Play (translated from Dutch)
"I can open my messages again without a knot in my stomach."
Marieke, mother of 2
"I really like the calendar and the way you request a swap."
From a user’s email

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